Bimini Wright

Cupcakes, comedy, and nerdlesque.

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Roommate: What's the best way to roast a chicken?

Me: Well they can't fly very well, so I'd probably start there.

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Project Runway prize money has kept up with inflation better than the minimum wage has

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Okay but Taika Waititi and Rhys Darby could solve world hunger if they released a pay-per-view sex tape

#ofmd #OFMD2

[Porridge Queasley @ConnieTrouble]

Plum, my lady
Plum plum, my lady
They were in the ice box
Super
Tasty

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

We need a "which Bridgerton character are you?" quiz that asks your yearly income and then declares everyone the maid

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

People be like "eat the rich!" and then say "omg I love what a bitch Lady Mary is in Downton Abbey"

[Barbara Block @Thunnus]

Epic effort off Oregon inlet placing the 2000th electronic tag on an Atlantic Bluefin. We dedicated this fish to two of my mentors Dr. Joe Bonaventura of Duke U. And Captain Peter B Wright! A real Blue Serengeti! Fish 500-800#. A lot of help from the sport fishing teams with us!

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

The Taco Bell I knew by Penn Station has been turned into a weed store.

The fact these two couldn't coexist unsettles me.

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

@Kodak, we used your digitizing service but now the folder is empty. No one is answering the phone or returning our calls. We are missing some very valuable footage. Please help

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

@v_dcknz Where when I'm down

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Hey boy, are you Valentine's Day candy? Cuz I wanna put you in my mouth...
But if I do that it will undermine my personal goals, and if I do the skinny girl thing of just tasting without swallowing, what is even the point?

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

HEY BOY, are you a snozzberry-flavored poster of Samuel L. Jackson?

Cuz I wanna lick your Shaft....

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Damn, boy! Are you a world-renowned bird-whisperer? Cuz I have an aviary full of really startled chickadees that need soothing.
What I'm saying is, can you rub my tits?

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Damn boy, do you have a summer job at the Grand Canyon? Cuz you have a hot ass that I want to ride

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Shampoo for my real friends, real poo for my sham friends

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Ok Jesus I just watched the pilot of Your Honor holy shitballs omfg

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

The real rules of Uno are trash

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

@GoodOnePodcast @bransonreese, Iliza Schlesinger,

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Give Kelly Reilly an Emmy right the hell now

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

Quick, get in all your "see you next year!" jokes while you can!

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

And even though I may be crying to my dentist because she asked about my father's Alzheimer's, I suddenly feel the need to start hiccupping and wailing about how Matthew McConaughey broke my heart, as my girlfriends get me montage-glammed up for a night out

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

If I'm crying and someone offers me a tissue, I suddenly feel like I'm having a Dramatic Movie Moment.

[Bimini Wright @biminilee]

It's a specific hold- they don't pass you the whole box, they just hold it at a 45-degree angle, pointing the tissues AT you like a lazily confident cowboy holds a gun