puipui

Digital diary. I write nd sh
Don’t report jus block

[puipui @binit23238]

Now should i light the cigarette or pick up the blade again

[puipui @binit23238]

I still save little things to tell you, save reels in case if i ever get the chance to send them to you. Somehow this hurts more than missing you cause i know you’re gone like death this time and i still have so much left to say.

[puipui @binit23238]

fake blood of course

[puipui @binit23238]

welp guess who’s gonna need stitches again XD. But nope i aint being a panicked weak bitch this time. Let’s see if it heals nicely or i’m omw to being one legged in the future. Fun days yeyeye

[puipui @binit23238]

but somehow not beautiful enough to be chosen.
And that thought hurts the most:
I was never asking
to be wanted for a moment.
I just wanted someone to look at me and still want to stay

[puipui @binit23238]

Pretty enough to be wanted, never enough to be loved.
They noticed my body before they noticed my heart.
They knew how to look at me, but never how to see me.
I started wondering
if there was something wrong with me, if maybe I was beautiful enough to be desired,

[puipui @binit23238]

someday i’ll stop loving you like it’s breathing. But that day is not today for sure. But i feel free. Now that i’ve finally destroyed everything else, i can finally destroy myself.

[puipui @binit23238]

And I'll have to live with the quietest heartbreak of all-knowing I was capable of loving him that deeply, and still wasn't the person he wanted to love back.

[puipui @binit23238]

Yeah, i think I'm over it.
He wants love-
just not the kind that comes from me.
And God, how cruel to know his heart isn't closed,
only closed to mine.

[puipui @binit23238]

Somewhere, someone else may one day hold the tenderness
I kept saving for him, hear the softness in his voice
I spent nights longing for.
He will love again.
He may even love beautifully.

[puipui @binit23238]

Anyway. The cigarette is down to the filter now. I'm going back inside.
Forgive me. I'm just a fool who misses you.

[puipui @binit23238]

You didn't ask me to stand here in the cold, ruining my own lungs, wondering if you are awake right now, wondering if you are looking at the same stars, wondering if your eyes are shining in the dark. You are probably fast asleep, totally peaceful

[puipui @binit23238]

I am ready to carry your grief. I am ready to burn my whole life down just to warm your hands for a minute. I hate that I love you like this. I hate that you have this much power over me without even trying

[puipui @binit23238]

@jjulesricc91502 Oh damnn it’s so similar to mine i panicked there for a sec

[puipui @binit23238]

Who am I?
I had never felt in my whole life peace in my brain, a permanent agony.
Never, in 20 years.
Am I a drug addict on antidepressants?
Is my personality hidden behind medication?
Or is it the real me

[puipui @binit23238]

You didn’t have to be that cruel to me. You knew this world was already cruel enough. yet you decided to punish me for trusting you.

[puipui @binit23238]

@akomii1711 u me us💪

[puipui @binit23238]

@luv2val_ Ifkr gotta lock in

[puipui @binit23238]

Fuck has my pain tolerance gone shitty or am i actually supposed to feel this much pain from these cuts

[puipui @binit23238]

Everytime someone abandons you, they take a part of you with themselves. The more you’re abandoned, the more you start losing yourself completely pieces by pieces until you’re nothing but just an empty shell.