Osama Bin Laden

I was the leader of al-Qaeda. Now I'm retired (dead.) Obviously satire.

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Lake America? Why not Lake Trump?
#LakeTrump

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Fuck Mammoths, I want a Woolly Mouse.
#mousegang

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Just a thought. Fort Drum, NY - base of the storied 10th Mountain Division - is a two hour drive from Ottawa. Less if the speed limit is 75mph. #51stState

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

So if Canada becomes the 51st State, do they get a little Maple Leaf? #51ststate

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

I hated Russia before hating Russia was cool. #StopRussia

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

just sitting here wondering what trump could do to the US if he really put his back into it instead of sitting in bed all day eating hamberders #trump #burgers #lincolnbedroom

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world and he's launching suborbital postcards while Elon Musk's car is orbiting the sun. #blueorigin

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

The funny thing about China is that we fell all over ourselves to give them all this money that we are now falling all over ourselves to get back. #FreeHK

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Just wondering if Donald Trump is going to #pardon me next. It was Obama that got me, so what better way to stick it to him than a pardon? #freeosama #bindead

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

TFW the CIA releases your porn stash.

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

A meteorite falls in Egypt, they make a knife. A meteorite falls in Arabia, they worship it. Who's more enlightened? https://t.co/5wAoC54JGc

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Yes, I am an environmentalist. Especially now that I've returned to being part of the environment. #globalwarming #climatechange

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

It's too bad this @MartinShkreli weasel wasn't around 10 years ago. I could really have learned a few things from him. #daraprim

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

@VikashKhera You call that a beard? I am much more handsome than this.

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

In the Middle East, Feb 2nd is Warthog Day. If you come out of your cave and see an A-10 Warthog, it's 6 more generations of Jihad.

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

@DrGhostbaby Insha'Allah, you're going to need a submarine. Dishwatah. #sleepingwiththefishes

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Got word today that Fred Phelps is soon to be joining us down here. We've already got the demons picking pineapples. #inhell

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

@pleckey What they don't tell you is that all the robots are Muslims. Only problem - 5 reboots a day. #robotjihad

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

Assad can only hope they don't drop a MOAB on him...my ears are still ringing and I can't even find them.

[Osama Bin Laden @binladen]

@Presidency_Sy Don't bother listening for the helicopters...I can tell you they're awfully quiet.