I hate how I’m always asking, "Do you want to go?" "Are you tired?" "You can leave if you want." Even when the person hasn’t shown any sign that they want to leave. I’m constantly preparing myself for abandonment before there’s even a reason to expect it.
Being indecisive and idle has ruined my life. I am a total coward. Im too anxious about everything and its caused me to be completely stagnant, ive done nothing with my life ever. Ive lived an entirely meaningless life. Ive been nothing but a burden to everyone i know. All ive ever wanted is to get married and start a family but thats never going to happen because i am useless and its entirely selfish for me to even think about it. Every breath i take is selfish and a waste. Its all been such a waste. I never should have been born
Maybe in November I’ll get a bunch of money for my birthday and I’ll get a med card of my own finally. That would be easier. Although it seems a bit silly bc by then I’ll be 20, one year away from just being of age. Idk if I could go a whole year though…
I lowkey don’t think I have any friends anymore… wow. I don’t know how to feel… I’m not… terribly sad? Although one of my friends was my plug so idk I might try to salvage that one…
Everyone is saying to reach out if ur not doing well but they forget that it's a really hard thing to do. I wish that I could freely ask for help without feeling shame and without being scared but I simply can't. It's so hard I really can't do this