Petty things I’ve done when my husband annoys me: a list.
-made his turkey sandwich with two heels
-got into his side of the bed and ate 10 Ritz
-got into his car, adjusted his seat, then saved it under his setting (1) and moved it to my setting (2)
Sometimes my baby and I have dance parties in his room where put on 90s gangsta rap and clean. He’s always fucking stoked and I cannot explain how it heals my soul.
Student speaking in the Jigsaw voice at 9 am this morning: do you pray to the lord?
Me *without turning around or reacting in any way*: it’s impolite to ask teachers about religion or politics.
Kid: Miss koleburg im emailing you to ask how i improve my grade
Me: Please complete your missing work. You are missing 14 out of 15 assignments for this quarter. I will accept any of them.
Kid: we have assignments?