bitchpersonifyd

DISCLAIMER: The bitchy views expressed in this account are solely mine and do not necessarily reflect how I perceive life on a full stomach.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

@CaltransDist3 do you have an idea when 89N will reopen?

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

@AKYE14 hey how’s life treating you?

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

Free Sewing Stitch Brushes Set for Photoshop - CG Elves https://t.co/zbQd3TuELp via @cg_elves

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

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[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

@Tatanana4 are you alive?

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

I love nachos. I wish more foods simulated digging through the garbage.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

@rbrxtn I know I need to get my ass back on here

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

i always knew i was good at multitasking. i’m now sitting up, smoking my joint and writing this. résumé worthy.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

My hookup was great. We laughed. We cried. We came. And most importantly my stuffed toys didn’t see anything cuz I remembered to them around

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

i’m so cheap my hairdresser is my therapist.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

breathalyzers are really just grown up kazoos.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the button-fly jean.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I’m taking a shit and eating ramen noodles. I can’t wait to move up in the world so I can eat Chinese take-out on the toilet.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I’m going to make a therapist very wealthy one day.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I just checked the time and it’s 4:20 exactly. It’s a sign. And also a demonstration as to the high level of self restraint I have.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

yes, I did puke in your bed but how is asking for morning sex pushing it?

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I think it's safe to say this year's most popular Halloween costume is the camel toe.

[tooflypieguy @tooflypieguy]

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt...

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

It's surreal to think we would all be spared the Kardashian krap if Kris Jenner had just swallowed.

[bitchpersonifyd @bitchpersonifyd]

I wonder if kids in China ever look at their Happy Meal toys and say with satisfaction, "I made this."