☁️

maboka

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

ive come to a realization that i am not used to being happy and stable for a long time so i purposely sabotage my own mental health just so i could feel again the familiar comfort of melancholy

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

tagal ko di nakapag-twt dito kasi i finally bought a separate journal for my tweetable thoughts gets ba 😆😆

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

i still can’t believe that you’re gone. i just think it’s not fair that you were one of the people who really worked incredibly hard to put me in school, but you won’t even be here when i get my degree :)

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

hindi kaya ng konsensya kong magdere-deretso ng lakad nang di alam kung nakasakay ba siya or kailangan ba niya ng help sumakay. luckily, sinakay siya ng pangalawang jeep. and tbh, i remembered you, tatay. i was tearing up omw home because i remembered you in him

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

hindi kaya ng konsensya kong magdere-deretso ng lakad nang di alam kung nakasakay ba siya or kailangan ba niya ng help sumakay. luckily, sinakay siya ng pangalawang jeep. and tbh, i remembered you, tatay. i was tearing up omw home because i remembered you in him

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

nakakita ako ng matandang nahihirapan maglakad kanina na pumapara ng jeep. hindi siya hinintuan nung una kahit may space pa naman sa loob. hindi ako makaalis hanggang hindi nakakasakay si tatay at inabot pa ng ilang minuto bago may dumaan ulit na jeep.

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

why is life so demotivating i need to change my perspective haaay i was never this uninterested in life :/

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

unlucky me because im a huge hopeless romantic i literally drown myself in novels and i dream of being loved

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

and this, honestly, scares me. i’ve had guys that i liked like me back but in the end i would turn them down. because deep inside, i’m afraid of ending up like my parents. i’ve never seen a happy marriage in my entire life and it scares me

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

whenever i hear those stories i would think that they were so cute and silly so i don’t understand how everything turned out to whatever it is that we have right now. it’s unfortunate that i didn’t even witness them in love =)

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

whenever i hear those stories i would think that they were so cute and silly so i don’t understand how everything turned out to whatever it is that we have right now. it’s unfortunate that i didn’t even witness them in love =)

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

my mama and papa were GENUINELY in love with each other back then. before me. i just know based on their stories and based on others’. my other worked early abroad and would spend money for their dates, even came to the point of selling her jewelries to fund their hang outs.

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

my father would sneak her into their dorm with the help of his friends so they could spend time together.

it was so genuine and pure back then. i really don’t know what happened. maybe me? i happened and ruined everything for them.

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

my eyes would instantly tear up

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

tatay, you’re still a very sensitive topic for me. whenever i see someone lose their father, i remember you. when someone mentions their grandfather, i remember you. i remember you in all of those moments and i could just wish that you were still here

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

It’s so strange. I thought I made peace with this idea months ago. Well 🤷‍♀️

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

I really cannot fully grasp the concept of death. It simple won’t dawn on me. Every time I look at my tatay’s photos, I knew at the back of my mind that he’s already dead. Gone. But somehow I also feel like he’s just at home while I’m away for college.

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

It kinda feels like he’s still there. He could be resting doing nothing or waiting for his recovery … Idk my mind just won’t truly and fully accept that my tatay is gone, and he’s never coming back.

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

😆😆😆

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

every time i go home from college, i get reminded of why i worked so hard to leave province in the first place. i cannot even last a day in my own house without going insane

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

i thought okay na, pero wala e i still cry pa rin every time i go home from college. i miss you, tatay. and what’s worse is that i’ll never get to see you again and no other thing in this world can ease my pain and longing. i hope you’re fine out there and not suffering anymore

[☁️ @bitterscotchy]

i dont know why but i cant seem to be satisfied with my life. i always feel like im not happy enough, im not smart enough, i dont explore enough, i haven’t done enough SIGHH my biggest opponent is time passing by and me regretting everything because its just never enough