You don't need to go out and celebrate tonight! Dog's don't get brought to the New Year's party - they stay home, locked away in their little crate, and they hump for me. You can't handle the pressure of pretending to be a person, so don't try. Bark, mutt.
It used to be so easy to get off, huh? You could pull up anything, hump your hand like the desperate dog you are, and be done. It gets a little harder every time though, doesn't it? You've got to seek out rougher videos, have to get grosser to feel anything. I'll make you worse.