Bessie

Disgruntled Yelp user | Life gives most people lemons but it gave me Lymes | Chronically the illest

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Thank you The Lumineers for spending 32 hours with me this year on @Spotify. You are my #1. #spotifywrapped2019

[Bessie @bjesssie]

I get random calls from friends asking me to do my Minnesotan accent, so at least I have that going for me.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Sometimes when I feel rowdy I go to bing just to search for google.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Is it just me or are wedding videos looking more like movie trailers?

[Bessie @bjesssie]

*Me seeing the 3rd spider of the year in our house*
“I am so sick of not feeling safe in my own home.”

[Bessie @bjesssie]

@TFred56 But what if they see that and come back with the entire gang seeking revenge.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

I saw the first centipede of the year. So yeah, I’m ready for winter to come back.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

I have finally done it. I have become a regular where they know my name and everything. Unfortunately it’s at the pharmacy.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

I’m pretty sure that the game Don’t Break The Ice is the root of my anxiety.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

@MarshallBauman Thanks, I peaked in college.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

I just made it through an entire chapstick without losing it. Celebrating the little victories.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Police cars now have their department twitter handles on their cars. What a time to be alive.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

If you notice when the employees at your pharmacy get a haircut, you go too often.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

While leaving the store I got my car keys out and hit the unlock button to try and open the sliding doors. Today has been a day.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Latest life dream: getting a super fast sports car and only driving the speed limit.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

@NTroiola “Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming” - Smash Mouth

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Nothing spreads faster at work than “Donuts in the break room.”

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Half the time someone says sorry in the Midwest it’s not because they’ve actually done anything wrong, they’re just in someone else’s general vicinity.

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Some people say "treat yoself" but I say "tweet yoself" @bjesssie

[Bessie @bjesssie]

Just saw a squirrel bury a nut. Kinda wanna dig it up and move it on him but I don't wanna be a jerk so I'll leave him a dollar so he can buy himself something nice.