bojack quote bot

quotes from bojack horseman, run by @khsohe. reply for a quote (if the bot's feeling up to it, which he often is not)

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

This is what you do. This is what you always do. This is why Mom loves doll more than you. She's right. Doll never hurt anybody. Gotta make things right. Gotta get doll back.
Ok, one drink. And then, doll back.
You screw-up. You're making your daughter hate you.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

fuck elon musk

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

But, speaking as your dad, it's important that you know that I cared.
-No. you never cared. You cared about your book. you cared about getting drunk and telling everyone how miserable you were. But that's not caring.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

You told me that you and your father used to sit on the roof and look at the stars together.
-Oh, yeah, I was just trying to get you to open up, so I used an old writer's trick called 'me lying to you.'
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm using an old me trick called 'thathurtsmyfeelings.'

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

She wanted to tell him. But she also wanted to let him stay in his beautiful hopeful reality, a reality she herself had lived in just hours before, and to which she now longed desperately to return.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Uneventful.
-What?
What?
-I asked if you were close with your father, and you sat here in silence for five minutes and then said, 'Uneventful.'
 You know what, this is a really good conversation, and I definitely want to keep having it...

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

I’M NOT HENRIETTA! I’M YOUR SON!
-My son is a ball of gas.
Yes! Your son, BoJack. I’m him. I’m the ball of gas!
-But you’re also a star.
Wait. Mom, do you remember-
-Shush Henrietta, I’m talking to the sun. Sun, you’re a ball of gas, but you’re also a star. We call you... 'Sun.'

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

There's nothing medically wrong with you. Maybe you just wanted the baby too much. Maybe you didn't deserve it because you were unkind once. Maybe you ran afoul of a trickster God or wood nymph who is now exacting revenge.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

What do you have against Hank Hippopopalous? Everyone says he's a really nice guy.
-That's exactly the problem. Because he's so nice, people don't wanna think he's capable of awful things so they let him off the hook.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.
-What's this supposed to be, a lima bean?
It's a heart.
-That's some shoddy craftsmanship, son.

I tried my best.
-No, you didn't. You slacked off and took the easy way out. In this world, you can either do things the easy way or the right way.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Goddamn it, honeydew?! Jesus, why does cantaloupe think every time it gets invited to a party, it can bring along its dumb friend honeydew? You don't get a plus-one, cantaloupe!

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

I'm trying to have this new attitude, be this better, more positive guy. I keep thinking about how this movie is my last shot at happiness.
-Well, BoJack, I hope this helps: I don't care if you are happy or not. You have a job to do.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Hey, do you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd met me before Herb did. Would you have made a move on me?
-..Charlotte-
I don't think you would have. You know why? I think you're a coward. Now go stuff some prosciutto in your pants before that Webster kid takes it all.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

'My question for you is, I am a good kid, and I like to play, and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack.'

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

You told me that you and your father used to sit on the roof and look at the stars together.
-Oh, yeah, I was just trying to get you to open up, so I used an old writer's trick called 'me lying to you.'
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm using an old me trick called 'thathurtsmyfeelings.'

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

You're ruining her. you know that, right? No matter what, your poison is already in her. There's nothing you can do. That's not true. Yeah, it is, you stupid piece of shit. You're a real stupid piece of shit, and everywhere you go you destroy people.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Go feel good about yourself and do your important work. And maybe some space might be good for us.
-You don't really want me to go, do you?
Why does it suddenly matter what I want?

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

I’m so sorry, Mrs. Horseman. He was just so kind to me.
-He said you reminded him of his dead mother.
He said she had dark hair like mine. He saw it in a picture once.

[bojack quote bot @bjhmquotebot]

Why don’t you come with me? It’ll dispense with the need for goodbyes, thus eliminating my transgression.
-You want me to leave my own party with you, the low-life who wasn’t even invited?
Yeah, that’s right. But I suppose Daddy wouldn’t like that, would he?