Ben Klinker

Lincoln Bio

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

If you’re attempting line-crossing jokes, make sure they work deadpan… since you still want to get a few laughs if they’re read aloud in court.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

There’s market dominance… and then there’s whatever Nerf has

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

License and Exercise have more S’s in my mind.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

If they hear high pitched screaming from my house, my neighbors know that inquiries should take this order:

- Are you singing Prince?
- Are you hurt?

And I’ll appreciate an assist if the answer is Yes to either.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

I make sure to meticulously shred my paper mail, so it’s harder for criminals to steal my information off the servers of billion dollar tech companies.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Whoever invented the Dutch language must have had some sticky keyboard keys.
#EefYooKnowDeenYoosKnow

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

All? No, probably not all.
But I definitely still do it some for the Nookie.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Hot Topic doesn’t have the draw it used to. I propose a rebrand to “Nero’s Closet”

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Proud to report I did my 2nd Dry January.

That came out wrong:
I did Dry January 2nd

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

I’ve started answering questions in business meetings by rounds of applause.

Pretty soon I’ll be starting the Wave while we’re waiting for Dave to share his screen.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

As you go west, the size of the states look like a student who started increasing the font and margins to fill the assignment.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

As the midlife-crisis comes barreling toward me, its crunch time to decide between Old School or Fight Club.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

I was trying to teach my 5 year old about frogs and accidentally taught her the word Amphetamines 😬😬

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

“Free Bird!! 🤘” is a socially acceptable thing to yell at a concert, regardless of the artist.

I want to make “V LOOKUP!!” to be the Free Bird of work presentations. I’ll start 🙋‍♂️

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

People will empathize if I say I have a tapeworm.

Less so, when I call it MY tapeworm.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Multiple kids and 1 shared streaming service means we’re all just passive-aggressively changing the default subtitles selection.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Low + Get Low is a mashup we don’t deserve, but I desperately need right now.

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

Wife: “you got everything but the frozen water”

Me: “it’s all but a pack of ice!!”
🥁🥁🥁

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

I refuse to sugar coat the truth, but I’m also unwilling to relinquish my best wishes… so my email signature says:
“Wishes that I have extras of,”

[Ben Klinker @bklinker]

If I haven’t been using an app for awhile, I wait until they send their “Ts&Cs Update” email, and then I deactivate… just in case they tried to slip something in, I want some metrics to look bad.