Alan Khanukaev

The answer to the question, “but what if we’re wrong?” | Opinions probably someone else's but presented as my own | contributor @realpunknews, @hardmoneymag

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

In the live shows, a random audience member dances on stage during the bridge, ostensibly assuming the role of the eponymous Sally. However in the first verse, Role Model clearly states that Sally "doesn't dance." I propose that there actually is no “Sally” and in this essay I w

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

It turns out the "bowl of oatmeal" metaphor is actually a very versatile way to flirt. Aside from "you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal" also consider...

- Girl, you hotter than a bowl of oatmeal
- Girl, you tastier than a bowl of oatmeal
- Girl, you sexier than a bowl of oatmeal

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

@boltdotnew which is more efficient as far a token usage?

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

@paulisci Really excited about The Press Gallery book. Any update on when it's coming out? Feels like it's been on preorder for forever

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Happy Hanhawk Tuah

…is…is that anything?

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Oh you like bad boys?

Well I just scanned radicchio as ‘red cabbage’ in the self-checkout at Whole Foods

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

You know, one of the things that's like completely normal and sane about TX is how I don't need any kind of permit to have a gun in my house, but for some reason I do need a permit to have an alarm on my house (and it must be renewed annually)

Love that🥰

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

@paulisci my guy, when is this book supposed to drop?

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Hey girl...something something...burning bush. Am I right? 😉

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Passover pickup lines to try at your next singles Seder

🧵

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Hey girl, you can just call me the 5th plague, cuz I'm gonna destroy dat ass

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

Kim Wilde: 🎵 We’re the kids in America 🎵

40 Year Olds at 80s Night: WHOA-OH!!!

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum…and, honestly, I’ve still got like a fuck ton of bubble gum, so I’m gonna have to prioritize that for a bit.

Seriously you guys, I am way behind on this bubble gum stuff

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

@EvilMopacATX OH GOD THE TORTILLAS! WHAT ABOUT THE TORTILLAS!!!

[Alan Khanukaev @blamealan]

@NickAdamsinUSA The only conspiracy theory I believe in is that @NickAdamsinUSA is an elaborate, long con, satirical character.

He has to be