Jessica Criscuolo

I don't know what I'm doing...like ever

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Working 11 days straight in food service is not a good look for me. All my employees can tell I'm just cranky and over it.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

I hate how much I love subway

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

I hope everyone has a good day except Amy Schumer fuck you you no soul bitch.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

I bought a strawberry skirt.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

So it's become a tradition of mine to buy something from unique vintage for my birthday every year and I'm really indecisive about what that purchase will be but I deserve to treat myself.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Is your manager an ass? Do you want a managet who gives you treats and constant positive reinforcement? Come work for me please.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Close enough @ConanOBrien

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

But like 50 cent isn't even fat. Wtf let people live.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

I'm in L.A. tomorrow I need to meet my idol @ConanOBrien

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Before traveling does anyone else get anxiety about who to bring presents back for is that just me?

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

@HillaryClinton don't you dare try to run for president again. I'll vote for a rock before I vote for you you bitch.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

So I had a dream about a friend who passed away (not my first dream about him since his passing) but this dream was so real and I really thought he didn't pass away. I woke up and now I'm a wreck. I miss him so much and would do anything to have him back

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Yo fuck you.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

If me and dan ever get married and I don't get an elegant flower arrangement made of just Marijuana and chocolate covered strawberries then I don't want a wedding.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

It's 2022 it's time to reboot My Name is Earl. Looking at you @nbc

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Yo fuck you Joe Biden I should of just wrote In Bernie. We settled for you and you can't even give us the bare minimum of what you promised us. Still happy it's not Trump in office but damn dude atleast buy us dinner before you screw us.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

Tom Brady kinda looks like he'd be a serial killer. Throw some weird glasses and some beige clothing on that guy boom Instantly creepy.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

If I was really rich yea I'd obviously use it for the good of humanity but I'd also pay Brad Neely an insane amount of money to just keep making ALL of his TV shows for my enjoyment.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

@paramountplus bring back The Harper House. You motherfuckers.

[Jessica Criscuolo @Blessthisjess]

I need more Harper house