Look, I’m a man who knows my meat. Nothing offends me more than a butcher who thinks he can pull a fast one on Nick Adams. When I travel, I can’t rely on Mario’s meat to satiate my appetite, so I’m forced to turn to other butchers to meet my needs.
I had a craving this morning, so I took a stroll down the street from my hotel to the neighborhood butcher shop. I walked in and saw a butcher wearing a mask. Naturally, was furious. But I needed meat, so I was willing to give this place a chance.
I told the masked fellow what I was looking for and asked him for a recommendation. He told me he knew exactly the cut for me and scurried off to the back. He emerged with a nicely-marbled porterhouse, a decent piece of meat, but it looked a little small to me. He weighed it out, and my heart sank when I saw “26.7 oz” flash across the scale. “No, no, son, this isn’t big enough,” I said, waving my hand for the steak to be taken away, “I need something bigger.” “Sir, this is the biggest steak we have, and it’s not particularly close,” the masked butcher replied. “This will have to do.”
I was incensed. I took a step back and demanded he find a larger steak. We exchanged words, and some other butchers had to step in and defuse the situation. The manager emerged from the back and apologized for the behavior of his underling, but I was still not satisfied. “Please, sir, you have to understand. There are so few men with enough testosterone to sustain an appetite for meat as ravenous as yours. We simply don’t have the supply,” he said.
I told him that I appreciated his apology but would not leave his store until I had the meat my heart desired. The master butcher huddled with the rest of his team, then returned with a beautifully-marbled beef tenderloin. It was artfully trimmed and weighed in at just over 75oz. The manager said he respected how firmly I stood up for myself and remarked that America could use more men with alpha qualities like Donald Trump and me. He said it was refreshing to have an alpha male in the store for once and told me the tenderloin was on the house.
I accepted his apology, grabbed his meat, and went on my way. I’ll be having steak for dinner tonight.
On my morning flight, I was seated across from a couple wearing masks.
After I had made myself comfortable, legs spread wide apart, the husband leaned over and sheepishly requested that I put on a mask to sit near him.
He explained he was returning home to DC and was concerned about COVID exposure since he couldn’t make an appointment for his latest booster shot before he departed for Florida.
I was incensed. I told him to get bent and shamed him for even asking. His wife watched in awe as I tore her husband to shreds in the first class cabin.
Once I had made it crystal clear that I would NOT be masking, he apologized and shrunk back in his seat, his eyes glued to the floor for the remainder of the flight.
In the terminal, I came across the same couple again. The husband was, predictably, waiting in the Starbucks line while the wife was on the phone.
I overheard the wife talking to a friend in hushed tones. She was recounting the situation and said she had forgotten what a real man looks like prior to today. She mentioned how impressed she was with my powerful and authoritative demeanor. She told her friend she was having second thoughts about her marriage and wrapped up the call.
We briefly made eye contact as I walked by. Even under her mask, her expression spoke louder than words. She was intoxicated by my masculinity.
I just overheard the man in front of me at my local bagel shop order an oat milk iced latte.
I politely reminded him it was impossible to milk an oat.
He ordered black coffee.
3k+ yeezy 350’s for sale
You buy shoes takes 3-5 for me to get
You pay when in hand prices around some under ask payout very profitable
MOQ: 100 pair
Lead to buyer get big commission
Have a nice day
List below in photos in notes