Jay it/he

21 • shedtwt • cw: 215 • hw: 250lbs+ • next gw: 200lbs

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

Intro!

✮ Jay
✮ it/he
✮ 21 (‘05)
✮ AuDHD, cPTSD, ednos, & more
✮ pro-recovery

please lmk if I’m following anyone problematic! I tend to miss stuff 😅

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

playing a stupid horse game to cope with the fact everything feels like it’s falling apart :D

[𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 @P0lyblank]

"gun to your hea-
please pull the trigger

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

i’m having nightmares again :/

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

grief is so fucking annoying!! I just swept up dog hair from under the vent and wanted to cry. she’s been gone over a year

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

not sure I’ll ever get over her death

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

i miss my dog.

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

@kaikanteat Plus if I remember right there were very few downsides to trying it out for SH. The only major issue I remember is if you’re actively taking opioids it’ll throw you into withdrawal so you have to be careful

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

@kaikanteat Mostly cutting but some skin picking too. SH is really addicting for me so they were hoping it’d work the way it does for alcohol & it’d help to stop my SH/urges. And while it didn’t work for me, I know I spoke to some people who found it very helpful!

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

anyway! back to the regularly scheduled mentally ill content lol

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

that convo really has me considering recovery again. I’m not sure I’m ready, but she needs someone who understands what she’s going through

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

I think I’m gonna try to get her out of that house more, give her a non-judgmental space to exist. I don’t want her to go down the same path I did.

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

my sister was just chatting away last night and I almost broke down in front of her. she’s going through what I did at that age and seeing it happen in real time to someone else is heartbreaking. she’s just a kid!

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

And then it lead into talking about death again and she said she sometimes wishes she could temporarily die just to get a break from our family. like FUCK! She’s barely ten!!

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

my last od was already traumatising but the psychosis from it was really fucking awful. Even now that I know for fact certain things didn’t happen I’m still not entirely sure what was real or fake

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

dinner was well over 1500cal 🥲 trying not to think about it but fuxkkk

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

watching spiderman :D

[Jay it/he @bluejay66_]

I fuxked up my hip today and I have to babysit two active children the next two days 😭