i’ve realized that i keep showing myself only to see if i will get the same, one, thing as you. and that isn’t fair. it hasn’t happened yet, and i desperately, obsessively keep going. realize and accept that your time is over
what if i just stay in my apartment over christmas hmm what if i just tell my family i’m sick or smth ,, i haven’t even bought them any gifts bc i haven’t been outside in like a week and today was the last day i had an opportunity to buy stuff but i just,, didn’t?? im horrible
jag drunknar men medvetet tar andetag, jag vill därifrån, jag är desperat av att rymma
jag kan inte, jag kan inte flyta mot ytan. jag kan bara sitta kvar på bottnen av havet med paniken, smärtan i lungorna av att drunkna, utan an någonsin nå dit. det fortsätter.