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I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle. http://t.co/GUPxH0u0qH

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http://t.co/2fk0x4KWF9 If I could fly, I know who I'd shit on first.

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http://t.co/pHEIBmDEkO If your bathroom sink looks like mine, you're disgusting and I'm a hypocrite.

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http://t.co/AHVqmGoxoX Vodka and I go together like falling down the stairs and getting fucked in my sleep.

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Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/hyoL668rN2

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http://t.co/oNRLpywGsN Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

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I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/BoxaKaAxrB

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Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/i3O2VMLL1e

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Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/zzMYI9VNFX

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http://t.co/xIo4Og6B Pretty cool how money could literally solve all my problems.

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http://t.co/vyh9FLoM When I was a kid, I liked to lay face down in the snow with a boner and make "snow girlfriends."

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I am working on my website