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[Action Bronson Arroyo @JBrink90]

LAWD HE STOMPIN

[uke creature🇵🇸🚩 @UkeCreature]

just two bobbles tall and oh so miserable

[Lesbian Columbo @Socktopus]

There's a sort of dorian gray situation going on where the kitten inherits all of starmers stress so starmer can look calm and normal

[meowtown @hieywieyneue]

why do really small cats always look like they’re afraid that they’re about to explode

[anna🧸 @yrsacd]

…i‘m using european scales because i‘m european ?

[Beaver 🦁 @beaverd]

"you're absolutely right! I shouldn't have launched those nukes -- that's on me."

[Paul Bronks @SlenderSherbet]

"Honestly, I don't know where to fucking start"

[Ellie Cumbo @EllieCumbo]

Shout out to every other cat owner placing bowls of water all over the place & even trying reverse psychology ("oh, this isn't for you- DEFINITELY don't drink it") in an attempt to get the little sods to realise they aren't in the desert now and need to look after their kidneys.

[Ella Dorn 唐棠 @elladorn_]

We should put some shops on Oxford St. where tourists can get their photos taken like this in a real armoured vehicle with authentic flash

[Harry Stabbings @harrystabbings]

NEW: Government confirms Duolingo will be included in the under-16s social media ban.

“No child in Britain needs to know what the French are saying” a department spokesperson said.

[Jack Manifold @JackManifoldTV]

@KSI see you soon brother

[Scott Bryan @scottygb]

BBC: “What was your screen time?”

Student: “Nine hours.”

BBC: “You’re gong to have a lot more time to fill. What will you do?”

Student: “Stare at a wall.”

[LISA🦋 @catmoaaw]

the best thing about cats truly isn't that they're cuddly and playful and adorable... it's that they're weird. they're so weird. you will laugh 90% more with a cat in your house because they're always inventing new ways to be bizarre