b

[kempa🕳️ @youknowkempa]

This is fucking insane

[b @bob25685]

@lfitzmaurice Reminder that a bunch of women from his hometown have called him out for being a creep!

[b @bob25685]

My assistant: loves this, a call and response queen

Print counter guy at staples: probably going to ban me

[b @bob25685]

My current favorite bit is saying “good morning angels” to a lone person and then smiling at them expectantly.

[b @bob25685]

It’s national gf day so happy gf day to my gf I am the light of her life

[b @bob25685]

I’m gonna be president :)

[b @bob25685]

I’m gonna be the mayor now :)

[b @bob25685]

I had it on my calendar bye

[b @bob25685]

@mvandonsel As far as I can tell, small

[b @bob25685]

I am at a party we are all quietly freaking out not to disturb the puppies. I am whisper reading tweets to someone’s nana

[b @bob25685]

Gonna tell everyone about the really big sandwich I had

[b @bob25685]

The worst part of RTO is finding out I’m the “how was your weekend” ass bitch and I genuinely like hearing about everyone’s weekend

[b @bob25685]

She’s a 10 but her email signature is “Sent from mobile, pardon my typos.”

[b @bob25685]

My doctor told me 15 minutes of direct sunlight every day which I have obviously interpreted as “take up smoking again”

[b @bob25685]

Missed u all love u

[b @bob25685]

I’m still gonna go to my fave sac events I just think it’s unfortunate that they all have 2-3 sex pests running them

[b @bob25685]

Happy birthday to my journalist girlfriend

[b @bob25685]

George santos is just three javelinas in a trench coat

[b @bob25685]

Every year I text this married guy my Spotify wrapped, he tells me I’m the one that got away, and somewhere, a dreamgirl gets her manic pixie wings. The cycle of the seasons begins again. Happy new year.

[b @bob25685]

One time my friend told me her husband was a DJ and I was like awwww cute! I love when they have little hobbies!

And then have run into them at large events no less than 3 times where he is in fact a DJ

[Claire E. Aubin? @ceaubin]

Regularly haunted by my own hubris - tried to set my bf up on a playdate with my coworkers husband because they both “really like bikes.” Anyways, it turns out her husband was in the Tour De France