Bob Elmes

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@alanshearer I shall inform the BBC that I’m not going to watch MOTD tonight #ImwithGaryLineker #MOTDboycott

[ORCHA @OrchaHealth]

Not Wordle, just the proportion of #DigitalHealth products on the market that meet quality standards

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[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Q: When is a party not a party?
A: When it's a Tory party!

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Coming soon on BBC: Dominic Cummings tells Martin Bashir "There were three of us in this relationship"

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Q: Is it still OK to have outdoor sex? A: Yes, provided you maintain 2m social distance.

[Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys]

Hey @BorisJohnson and @Nigel_Farage, we just made Big Ben bong for you😉. Sound on.

[Neil Fisher @nfmusic]

So it looks like Boris is about to be crowned in spite of his heinous past deeds. Anyway enough about tonight’s Mussorgsky @royaloperahouse

[Lee Acaster @jellyfire1]

Bit late for this year, but stuck for present ideas for the kids? How about discovering if you are their real dad for them.. #SantasBaby

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@duncan_uk Noneed to apologise for your fetishes Duncan

[Irvine Welsh @IrvineWelsh]

I'm a Dylan fan, but this is an ill conceived nostalgia award wrenched from the rancid prostates of senile, gibbering hippies.

[Frod & Villages SP @_FAVSP]

Gt fun with @DEE_OClub Good luck @Helsbyhillside @HMillSchool @FrodshamCE @FrodManor @FWeaverValePS

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies Does this translate as "I'm as excited as a little mouse going to a mouse party"?

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies I had mine cut this morning so I can look fabulous at bridge tonight

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Just read The Circle https://t.co/0nl705R8b4 Hope you like it ;)

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Had the lawn aerated today, now it's covered in little lawn-turds

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

Congrats Elaine Sutton & Darren Baker 1st XV40, Sian Calow 2nd FV50 in RAB Mini Mountain Marathon series 2015

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies good luck getting your little bum to Glasgow.

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies just trying to avoid confusion

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies but see https://t.co/Vysthtt3p6

[Bob Elmes @bobelmes]

@Helenies what kind of knob spells it nob ?