All Seeing Eye of Maud

Lover of books, cats, German shepherds. She/her, scared of roaches and have to pee.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

Learned two things today that struck me as very weird. Indoor trampolines exist, and no one is fucking on them for the internet. Seems like a real missed opportunity guys.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@gunsnrosesgirl3 Peanut!

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

a https://t.co/J8cGD5rbL2

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

This time tomorrow I’ll be an only child. If my parents were still alive this would kill them. J

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

Thing I’m proud of not saying today: Let’s see how well you navigate the goddamn parking structure elevators when we’re scheduling removing your only sibling’s life support.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@aander1987 @Parkerlawyer Wow. This is a shitty argument. Home maintenance isn’t child rearing. Also, my mom fixed the thermostat, replaced the furnace filters, serviced the lawnmower, and took care of us kids. My dad was disabled but worked long hours and was my best friend.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

I know we didn’t grow up in the same place but somehow we know the same people. Small fucking world.

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

There was this dude I used to hang out with in high school but then I stopped because he had terrible vibes. Then about ten years later I find out he's being called the "Chiptunes Rapist," which, I mean, good Lord, but long story short I just ran into him and he's a cop now.

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

I keep trying to tell myself that this is intentional, that Elon created a character of the single most excruciatingly cringe loser in history because he revels in how mad it makes us.

But it isn't. This is him and he sucks more comprehensively than I ever thought possible.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

And I don’t even wear underwear. Man, fashion just moves too fast.

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

Great dress for someone wants to wear a 17 pounds of rigid plastic that is hot to the touch and requires a constant wifi connection.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@dog_rates You mean cute hair day, right?

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@WinslowDumaine Yeah, I got a Winchester .30-30 and a Nylon 66. I can out organize the US Military with that. When I’m done I’ll go liberate Ukraine.

[Michael Swaim went to bsky @SWAIM_CORP]

“So what do you do?”
“I’m a guard, so mostly dancing.”
“What do you guard?”
“Tomb.”
“People try to break into that?”
“Not really.”
“Who’s buried there?”
“Dunno.”

[The Tonight Show @FallonTonight]

.@denisleary learned he was related to @ConanOBrien after being a guest on his show 🤣 #FallonTonight

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@YeastMeetsBest @dog_rates My husband says we have dogs to protect me while he’s at work but I’m pretty sure he actually get me to look after the dogs. 😁

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Rick. He has found a way to make an office chair the most passive aggressive piece of furniture in the home. 13/10

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

You know, I tend to go out of my way to avoid looking like a Nazi. And the reality is, you kinda have to go out of your way TO look like a Nazi.

So either Elon made a Nazi salute or he did some other goofball flailing that looks extremely similar to it because he doesn't care.

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@WinslowDumaine Cthulhu 2028 No Lives Matter

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@WinslowDumaine No. I’m on opioids and they’re way more fun.

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

When I hear a comic use a weird vocabulary word on stage (without pointing it out), I smile, because that means they didn't dumb it down for me. They gambled.

Going on stage and feeding hateful jokes into the frenzy of reactionaries is easy. You just say what they're thinking.

[Gatorade Should Be Thicker. @WinslowDumaine]

🌽CORN🌽STATE🌽 OF 🌽MIND🌽
🌽CORN🌽STATE🌽 OF 🌽MIND🌽
🌽CORN🌽STATE🌽 OF 🌽MIND🌽
🌽CORN🌽STATE🌽 OF 🌽MIND🌽

[All Seeing Eye of Maud @bonnybedlam]

@SWAIM_CORP Fingers crossed you don’t get Bob Ueker.