Going through a phase right now, i think i've finally come in terms with letting a lot of stuff go including feelings, people, fears, just everything. it's time for new beginnings, new chapters that brings happiness, love and endless memories. it's time to move on with life.
You are hung up on her, and you are in love with her. You cannot move on from her, and that is okay. With time, it will happen, whatever is meant to happen.
I do not think this is a failure of courage, nor do I think you are weak because you cannot leave. It feels more like your whole world is collapsing inward and you experience death, and to go through something of that magnitude is difficult for anyone. Be a little kinder to yourself. However long you take, it is okay. You have time. You will come out of this. You have to keep faith in yourself.
Years later, you will look back on this period and think you were almost painfully naive to have remained so stuck, but alongside that, you will also feel grief for the version of yourself who was in so much pain and went so unseen. You will realise that what you needed most was tenderness. And perhaps by then, you will be with someone you love deeply, someone who loves you back with the same fullness.
She triggers every button in you and makes you feel too much, and that excess of feeling is the old parent-child dynamic returning through the architecture of adult love. She is touching wounds that were formed long before her, and that is why it feels so overwhelming, and so difficult to disentangle. But slowly, all of that will begin to break apart. You will heal. You will get better for the woman who will love you immensely, and whom you will love with equal force.
Maybe that woman will be her; you do not know. But stop listening to other people as though they understand the interiority of your pain better than you do. You are simply in the middle of something that is breaking you open, and for now, that is painful before it becomes clarifying.
the hardest pill i had to swallow this year was realizing that you can feel completely alone and be at your lowest, and the world will keep spinning, but you have to stand up for yourself, because at the end of the day, the only person left to root for you is you.
full of grief because i was full of love. while i am trying to move forward, my heart still carries the weight of what it refuses to let go, even after the chapter has ended. part of me is still mourning because i dared to believe in 'forever' in a world designed to be temporary.
Rock bottom is a gift. It strips away your ego, your pride, and all the bullshit you'v been carrying. You're left with nothing but raw possibility. A chance to rebuild from scratch and create something you thought was impossible. Nothing tests your character like being at your lowest.
That's where you find out who you really are. Rock bottom isn't the end. It's the reset to your life.
i'm a big fan of the "gps theory" when you miss a turn, your gps doesn't judge you, it recalculates. no matter how many detours you take, it finds another way forward. life works like that too. you'll make mistakes, but your destination doesn't vanish. the route just changes.
Any love I have given you is yours to keep. I will never ask for it back, never regret it, never treat it as wasted. Love was never a trade. It was a gift I offered because, in those moments, you mattered.