space cowboy

I wake up in the morning and i piss excellence

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

(At my child support hearing) your honor I request trial by combat

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

If Hitler was alive today I bet he’d have a podcast called The Adolf Hitler Experience

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Why is Nobody talking about the incredible generational wealth gain the Leprechauns and their vast treasure troves of pots of Gold have had after Nixon ditched the gold standard in 1971 and the price of gold skyrocketed 128x in the past five and a half decades… makes you wonder

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Have people that do marathons not realized that running sucks

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

It is better to have been the cucumber that became the pickle than to not have been the cucumber at all

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

I am actually glad there are microplastics in my balls

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Baby shoes, never worn? Okay hippie baby I see you

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

take a pizza and put it in top of. Another pizza, any rational human would say there are two pizzas; a pizza stack. But take one lasagna… and place it on top of another lasagna, that same rational human would say tht’s one lasagna. Really makes you think different about Italians

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

I never tip strippers that would be insulting to their art….. same with street magicians

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Pro tip: when talking to an ugly person don’t be mean and say “You’re ugly”, try to be nicer by saying “You’d do great in Portland Oregon”

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Frame Mogging on the Western Front

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Microsoft Excel has ruined more marriages than adultery

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

They call me Nightbitch

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

My lean cost more than your rent

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

2026 imma be even worse

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

2025 i’m gonna be a piece of shit too i aint changing 💯💯💯

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

You look like the kid in elementary school that’d pee with his pants around his ankles

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

If we live in a Simulation why did my wife leave me

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

Normalize telling people to shut up when they sneeze

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

No matter how hard I try TSA never wants to give me a cavity search

[space cowboy @boobdumpster]

You look like you eat corn the long way