Aliza Sohl

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

Coffee shop near Shibuya station, working on laptop.

Barista came over with a cookie.

Barista: Service.

Me: Oh, I didn't order this.

Barista: I know, You look like you need cookie.

Me: (laughing) That obvious?

Barista: You have stress face, Cookie helps stress face.

she walked away before I could thank her properly.

cookie was incredible.

came back next week, different day.

same thing happened.

Barista: (bringing cookie) Stress face again.

Me: Is it really that bad?

Barista: Little bit, yes.

Me: Work stuff, Deadlines.

Barista: Deadlines always there. Cookie also always there. Choose cookie.

weirdly profound for a Tuesday.

started coming regularly.

got to know her a bit.

her name was Yuki, been working there four years.

wanted to open her own bakery someday.

Me: These cookies could definitely carry a bakery.

Yuki: You think so?

Me: I know so. I've had a lot of stress cookies now.

Yuki: (laughing) You are my best stress customer.

few months later, noticed she seemed down.

Me: You okay?

Yuki: Bakery dream... very expensive. I save for three years. Still not enough.

Me: How much more do you need?

Yuki: Too much. Maybe dream stays dream.

something about seeing her sad made me sad.

she'd given me cookies for months.

listened to me complain about work.

always smiled even when she was clearly tired.

I came back the next day with an envelope.

Me: I want to invest.

Yuki: What?

Me: In your bakery. When you open it. I want to invest.

Yuki: I cannot take your money.

Me: Not giving. Investing. I believe in the stress cookies.

she cried a little.

took me three weeks to convince her.

she opened the bakery eight months later.

tiny place in Meguro.

I went on opening day.

Yuki: You are first customer!

Me: Honor of my life.

Yuki: (handing me a cookie) No stress face today.

Me: No stress face today.

bakery is thriving now.

she paid me back in full last year.

I still go every week.

she still gives me cookies.

still tells me I have stress face.

still makes me smile.

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

It’s NOW your leg!!!

[quel 🧸 @quelpenna_]

ontem fui a um casamento e na parte de trás do bolo, virada pra entrada do salão, mas de costas pra festa em si, tinham essas duas figuras das cachorrinhas do casal fazendo mó bagunça na cobertura

morri de amores 🥺🤏

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

They are such a hit!!!!
Mooselegs away!

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Wilson. He was born with a blurry tail. Not sure if he'll ever grow out of it. 13/10 we love him just the way he is

[𐡀 @Xyleniqq]

My grandma has been catfishing scammers for six months and she's weirdly good at it.

Okay so my grandma is 74 and lives alone since my grandpa died. We got her an iPad last year so she could FaceTime with the grandkids and she's become dangerously online.

She got one of those typical scam messages like two months ago. The "Hey beautiful, I'm a soldier stationed overseas, let's get to know each other" type thing. We've all told her about these scams.

But instead of blocking him, she decided to "play along and waste his time so he can't scam real victims."

Her words.

So she's been talking to "Raymond," who claims to be a 58 year-old Army medic stationed in Syria (red flag central). But my grandma has created an entire fake persona. She told him her name is Carolyn (it's Janet), she's 62 (she's 74), and she owns a "successful cupcake business" (she's retired from accounting and once burned brownies so bad we had to replace the pan).

She sends him stock photos of cupcakes from Google Images. He sends her clearly stolen photos of some random handsome dude in fatigues.

Here's where it gets weird: she's actually doing research. She watches YouTube videos about common scam tactics. She's in a Facebook group about scambaiting. She has a NOTEBOOK where she tracks details of their conversations so she doesn't slip up.

"Raymond" recently tried to move to the "I need money for a phone to call you" phase and my grandma strung him along for THREE WEEKS with excuses. "Oh the bank was closed." "My account is frozen, something about taxes." "I sent it but maybe it went to the wrong place?"

She's never sent him a cent, obviously. She's just wasting his time.

The family is divided on this. My mom thinks it's hilarious. My aunt thinks grandma's losing it and this is early dementia (it's not, she's sharp as ever). My uncle thinks she's going to accidentally get doxxed.

But grandma is having the time of her life. She's started messing with two other scammers. One thinks she's a wealthy widow in Miami. Another thinks she's a former pageant queen.

She showed me her notebook last week and it's incredibly detailed. Different backstories, different names, relationship timelines. She's put more effort into this than I put into my actual job.

I asked her why she doesn't just block them and she said, "Every minute they're talking to me is a minute they're not stealing some poor lonely person's retirement money."

Which is kind of sweet? In a chaotic way?

Anyway "Raymond" is getting frustrated because she won't send money and keeps changing the subject to cupcake recipes. I think he's about to give up.

Grandma's already got her eye on a new scammer who claims to be a widowed oil rig worker. She's workshopping a new persona. Thinking about being a "former Vegas showgirl."

I've stopped trying to talk her out of it. This is her retirement hobby now.

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

Brix is on a FIP antiviral.
The condition FIP used to kill cats with almost 100% fatality rate, but this new medicine is literally a medical miracle.
It works by putting junk building blocks for the virus in Brix’s body. The virus tries to use the junk to replicate but it masses it up, killing the virus.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Theodora. She shocked everyone with her athleticism during a relay race. Would like to remind everyone that she is a herding breed and has actually been reaching these speeds for thousands of years. 13/10

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

We got to visit Ginger and her cat roommates.
Oh Adam and Annalise were there too. 😉❤️

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Cookie. She's a big proponent of reusable shopping bags. Partly for the environment, but mostly for naps. 12/10

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Jet, Kiki, Ricky Bobby, Sushi, Whimsy, and Ducky. Their human left the back door open when she left. They assumed that was a pool party invitation. 13/10 thank you for hosting

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

My brother showed up to Christmas dinner and announced he was now going by a different name.

Not legally. Just socially. Starting immediately.

Brother: I've been doing a lot of work on myself this year and I feel like Kevin doesn't represent who I am anymore.

Me: Who are you now?

Brother: Caspian.

Our mom set down the green beans.

Mom: I'm sorry?

Brother: Caspian. It means from the Caspian Sea.

Dad: You're from Cleveland.

Brother: Names don't have to reflect geography, Dad.

The table went quiet in that specific Christmas way where everyone is pretending to be calm while aggressively staring at the centerpiece.

My aunt broke first.

Aunt: Like the Narnia horse?

Brother: The horse's name is Bree. Caspian is the prince.

Aunt: You've been reading Narnia.

Brother: I've been on a journey.

Me: A journey to the thirteenth century.

Brother: That's judgmental.

Me: Kevin, you work in insurance.

Brother: Caspian works in insurance now.

My dad picked up his fork and put it back down twice without eating anything.

Dad: Can I ask what prompted this?

Brother: I've been seeing a life coach.

Me: The life coach told you to change your name.

Brother: She helped me understand that I've been performing an identity that was assigned to me rather than chosen.

Dad: Kevin was assigned to you because your grandfather was Kevin.

Brother: And I love Grandpa Kevin. But I need my own......

Dad: Kevin, your grandfather is here.

We all looked at the end of the table.

Grandpa Kevin, eighty-three years old, had been quietly eating mashed potatoes and appeared to have heard all of this.

Grandpa: (without looking up) I didn't like Kevin either.

That was not what anyone expected.

Grandpa: Always wanted to be called Ray.

Mom: Dad, your name is Kevin.

Grandpa: I know what my name is.

My brother was staring at him with genuine surprise.

Grandpa finally looked up.

Grandpa: (to my brother) You picked Caspian?

Brother: Yes.

Grandpa: (considered this) I would've gone with something shorter.

Brother: What would you have picked?

Grandpa: Ray.

Brother: That's just a regular name.

Grandpa: Exactly. Easy to spell. Nobody asks you about Narnia.

The table erupted.

Even my brother laughed.

He's still going by Caspian.

But Grandpa now introduces himself as Ray at family functions.

Nobody corrects him.

He's eighty-three. He can be whoever he wants.

My mom calls them both by their new names with the energy of a woman counting down to January.

Dad just sighs and passes the green beans.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Beau. He loves his small human. A little concerned about why he's being outlined like a crime scene victim. Deciding to give them the benefit of the doubt. 13/10

[Among the Wildflowers @deaflibertarian]

On a videophone call through a sign language interpreter, I was told they had a senior deaf black cat who used sign language at the shelter. Because of age and deafness, they will euthanize her unless someone adopted her. I had already been pre-approved to adopt.

I arrived and...

it wasn't a cat.

It was a dog!

I signed to her, and she signed back, but she was clearly frightened and overwhelmed. My heart knew I could not leave her there.

At home with her I quickly realized...she wasn't deaf either!

I did some digging; the previous owner was a deaf woman in Houston. She had passed away.

That "deaf black cat" turned out to be a hearing black dog who knows signs.

And that's how Luna Lovegood became part of our family.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Pearl. She's very excited you're home, and can only properly express her enthusiasm through jazz hands. 14/10 #SeniorPupSaturday

[𐡀 @Xyleniqq]

Uncle Ray was 74 when he died. Heart attack. Quick and painless, they said.

The funeral was at a small church outside of town. Maybe fifty people. My mom was there, my cousins, a few of Ray's old coworkers.

The priest was doing the opening remarks when the back doors swung open.

A woman walked in.

She was maybe 60. Well-dressed. Crying.

Behind her were three adults. Two men and a woman. Also crying.

Nobody knew who they were.

My mom leaned over.

Mom: Who is that?

Me: No idea.

Mom: Is that Ray's coworker?

Me: She's crying like a widow.

Mom: Ray's widow is sitting right there.

She pointed to Aunt Sheila, who was in the front row, also crying.

The mystery woman walked straight down the aisle and sat on the opposite side of the church.

Her three adult children sat with her.

The priest looked confused but kept going.

For the next twenty minutes, there were two groups of people grieving completely separately.

After the service, everyone gathered outside.

That's when it happened.

The mystery woman walked up to Aunt Sheila.

Mystery woman: You must be Sheila.

Aunt Sheila: I am. Who are you?

Mystery woman: I'm Dolores. Ray's wife.

Silence.

Aunt Sheila: Excuse me?

Dolores: We were married in 1987.

Aunt Sheila: I married Ray in 1985.

Dolores: I know. He told me about you.

Aunt Sheila: HE TOLD YOU ABOUT ME?

Dolores: He said you were his first marriage. A mistake. He said he was going to leave you.......

[DON G @KINGGGE_]

I work the evening shift at a grocery store. Last night a woman came through my checkout with a cart full of groceries. Her total came to $186.42.

She looked at the screen, looked at my name tag, and asked, "Can you just use your employee discount for me?"

I honestly thought she was joking, so I laughed a little. She didn't.

She stared at me and said, "Come on. It's not costing you anything."

I told her, "I'm sorry, but I can't do that. My employee discount is only for me."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Seriously? You're really going to make me pay full price over a few dollars?"

I explained that using my discount for someone else could get me written up or even fired. She shrugged and said, "Nobody has to know."

At that point I realized she wasn't kidding. Trying to help, I asked if she had a store rewards account. She said no, so I offered to sign her up. It took less than a minute.

After I entered her phone number, her total dropped from $186.42 to $171.88 because several sale prices and digital coupons were applied automatically.

I smiled and said, "There you go. You actually saved over fourteen dollars."

She frowned at the screen and said, "That's not your employee discount."

I told her it wasn't. It was the rewards program she now had.

She insisted I was hiding the real discount from her because I..........