I think the reason why I'm struggling to write right now is coz I can't find the right emotions. I feel like I can't afford to invest myself in something...in an output.
I've got stellar experience and a postgrad and lal I've been told is that they can't afford me or that I'm overqualified. Bitch wtf am I supposed to do? Go back on all the hard work I've done?
I just have so many regrets that's haunting me. And everyday I feel more and more like I'm just on earth to consume and not contribute and I feel so fucking bad about it
And I wanted to be an object of enamour. But now, I can't even see myself wanting that anymore. I think, I finally believe I'm enough in some aspects of my life.
But now that I look back to it...I just cringe at all the superficial moments I made. All those 3am clubs, those makeouts with strangers and shit. I was so ready to be validated.
Of course I would do it for free. I really wanna freaking save the mobility decrepit that's metro manila. Why would I freaking join a nonprofit coalition to look for money???
Told my fam I wanted to volunteer for a transport consultant role in a politician's strategy team. And she was like: so you won't get paid?! You'd do that for free?