BPD be like:
Me: i love life. i have so many goals & dreams. im so happy to be here.
*a switch flips*
Me: who am i? why am i here? what is my purpose? i don’t belong.
everything with BPD feels so permanent
every emotion
every symptom
every situation
but when it comes to people?
the only thing in our lives that feels temporary
Thinking about the memory loss i’ve had since being traumatized is a hard reality to sit with. I remember certain things in flashbulb moments but never the full picture. Then i go back and forth with myself questioning whether or not it even happened. It’s tough.
having quiet bpd in a relationship can be difficult to explain. like, i’m not shutting down to ignore you… i’m doing it because i’m afraid of what i might say or do if i don’t turn my pain inwards
sometimes i think i use my mental illness to be ‘lazy’
but laziness isn’t an option when you’re mentally ill. because you are ALWAYS fighting and putting in so much god damn effort to just be here.
nobody who fights that much is lazy. period.
sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that my mental illness is actually just made up for attention & as an excuse to be ‘lazy’ - then i realize that it’s really not me telling myself that. it’s a bunch of bullshit that has been burned into my brain from other people.
happy borderline personality disorder awareness week!
everyday is a great day to show up for your loved ones with bpd. but this week especially is a great time to research, learn & understand how you can better support us and help break the stigma surrounding bpd.
I either dissociate and have no concept of what time it is or im in the present moment & my body WAY too much to the point i sit and stare at the clock watching it slowly pass by completely distressed in my own skin