Boredsheet

Not affiliated with @broadsheet_melb. Just a loving parody. All tweets 100% fictional.
[email protected]

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Someone should introduce @burgermary and @JimmysBurgers so they can make adorable little burger kids together.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Fitzroy's I Made A Lemonade Stand accused of standover tactics: "We've seen dozens of kids' rival stands hit by vandalism," Vic Police said.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Food trucks tussle for spot at @melbmusicweek reggae stage. "For some reason, people always seem hungrier around there," organiser says.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Reformed raver opens Serotonin Kitchen so young partygoers can win back some brain real estate after each weekend: http://t.co/fSpcuo0xuT

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@PayPalAU issues 13,000 iPads to the homeless: "Next time we do 1c coffee, we want all of those people ready to go with PayPal accounts."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

From the makers of @wherethetruckat comes a new app, Where the Q At? Watch real-time footage of queues at every over-hyped eatery in Melb.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Vietnamese restaurants @saigonsally_ and Hannoi Hannah have a new sister, Khe Sanh Kelly! Now serving cold drinks and Cold Chisel.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@meatmother reveal source of authentic-tasting meat: "We only use roadkill, like every self-respecting Southern barbeque."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Urbanspoon user blasts @MilktheCowMelb over new Carlton store. "There's no cows there, let alone any milking. My kids went home in tears."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Sorry folks, @shortstopmelb is out of donuts AGAIN. "We're not far from @VictoriaPolice HQ," says owner Anthony Iver. "What do you expect?"

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

On the back of radical new dish (chicken!) and pop-up in Carlton, @huxtaburger changes menu font! Read our extended coverage here: owl.y3068

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@MamasitaMelb reopens as Mamastanda. "Everyone was waiting on the stairs for 40 minutes anyway, so we figured, 'Why not leave them there?'"

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@monkbodhidharma now pouring breastmilk lattes. "We call it expresso," barista says. "It's organic and locally-sourced, which we love."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@ShebeenBar to open second bandroom, Hasbeen. "It'll be used for over-40 nights," owner says.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@greenhousejoost says: "Yes, there are bones at Brothl. Yes, they are hard. What are you trying to get at? This interview is over."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@SweatshopBar audited by federal government for alleged exploitation of foreign barstaff.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@kettleblackcafe and @TopPaddock boss Nathan Toleman admits: "We name our cafes using kindergarten focus groups. They're paid in babycinos."

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@5Senses excited for new "share"-trade blend sourced from Monaco. "It's unfair to favour third-world growers 100% of the time," rep says.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

Authentic Japanese diner, Moby Dick, opens its doors in St Kilda. "If Greenpeace show up, just tell 'em it's chicken," owner says.

[Boredsheet @Boredsheet_Melb]

@greenhousejoost Joost Bakker admits: "My filter coffee is recycled from coffee enemas. It's just that much better for the environment."