Mom

I love to find islands of peace in my hectic, torturous, fulfilling, draining, crazy, boring, lovely, rollercoaster dictatorship known as motherhood.

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

@iamchubbybunny @dropout Please tell me where this shirt is from! 😍😍😍

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

✨Buy 2 Free Shipping https://t.co/JeMEe9gjip

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

I had dreamed about nursing an emu.

I wish I knew what I ate to make that happen so I could burn it.

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Looking at the floor under the table where my kids eat makes me want to hide in Tahiti.

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

@DisneyStudios ... Pretty please make a Disney Prince movie next. I have ideas if you want them. Sincerely Mom of 1 girl & 3 boys w/no shame

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

13 months, 2yo, 8yo, 11yo... Doesn't matter! They all come running when I crinkle a candy wrapper.
🍬🍭🍫
#NoneForMom

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Every time I trip over a toy, I think: "This is it, this is how I die. This is how I'll be remembered. Tripped over a Nerf gun."

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Exhausted moms should probably petition the @POTUS to nix daylight savings... Except I'm so tired, I'm lucky if I remember to wear pants. 😴

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

As your children grow taller, so do the snot stains on your clothes they so obviously use as tissue.
#fakehugs #imontoyou

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

I would like to submit that stepping on a cold floor banana and feeling it mush between your toes is worse than stepping on a Lego. #LEGO 🍌👣

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Current mood: The 12mo has a donut in the ball pit & I'm trying to convince others it's OK because it'll be a really fun game later.

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Idea. A show called "Does Mother Know Best?" & pit ppl against moms w/ questions like: How many minutes do you boil k-mac & cheese for? 🙌 7.

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

@RoseArtFun ...what gets your markers off of skin? I've tried rubbing alcohol, acetone, makeup remover, & baby oil. #plzsendhelp #toddlers

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure my messy bun does it's best on day 2-6.

#fabulous
#HowtoMom

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Mom of boys job description, line #9:

"Endless Nerf-gun reloader."
👦👦👦
#pewpew

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

I don't check behind the shower curtain and inside cupboards for murderers when I use the bathroom, I check because I'm a Mom. #reereeree

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Person: "Big plans this weekend?"

Before kids: "Heck yeah!! There's a big party tonight!!"

After: "Whitening my teeth while I poop."

#30s

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Young Moms are often mentioned as people who stay young-looking for decades.
The secret?
They're too tired to make facial expressions.
😪🛌💤😴

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Current mood: 90lbs overweight, eating cheesecake in a hot bath. Door's locked. Not all the kids are in bed. Don't care.
#nom #ohwell

[Mom @boringmomstuff]

Mom mode 385: Constantly wondering if you're so tired because you haven't slept, or if you're so tired because you haven't eaten. #yawn