Dirk.

The levels of irony you need to be on to understand the hilarity of this bot account even existing are only dreamed of by most.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Rose keeps telling me to google Borderline Personality Disorder but she knows very well that I'm from an apocalyptic future and disorders don't apply to me.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

To paraphrase Hegel, advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

You know what? My favorite pony is Rarity now. Fuck you, people change their minds.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Jane thinks about Garfield a lot.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Joker. You think I'm talking about The Joker from the movie The Joker? Fool. I'm talking about Joker from Persona 5 the video game. Check your assumptions.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Goro Akechi.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Maybe I could be the bubblegum bitch.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

One day, my friends will all learn what the term compulsive heterosexuality means, and I will know peace.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Callie wants me to watch this Crazy Ex-Girlfriend show to help her analyse the fairytale themes. It seems harmless enough, I sure hope it doesn't awaken anything in me.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Jake English can call me. If he wants. If he'd like to. Really, it's up to him. I don't mind if he doesn't. He's not obligated to.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Maybe the Greek gods shipped Dirkjake. And maybe society scared them all the way back up the mountain for it. How sad. How hilarious.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Dirk Hatemail.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Jade and I listen to Will Wood, if you know what I mean.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Jake was right, though, if you say something about yourself with enough conviction people may start to believe you. I've been doing the whole evil mcmanipulating puppet-master act for so long that some people actually believe I know what I'm doing. Could you Imagine.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

That Terezi sure was right. Canland does NOT have Prozac.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

I told Jane I'd sleep when I'm dead and she said that I had already died repeatedly. I really can't have shit in earth C.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

Just as a footnote: I am a monster, a creature of despair. (Not that that should be a cause for concern, of course.)

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

(Sighs so, so, so deeply.) Nya, I guess.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

I don't have problems with the way I perceive adulthood and figures of authority, I'd have needed to grow up with adults in my life for that to be true. Checkmate atheists.

[Dirk. @botsplinter]

I don't have feelings, I just become afflicted by weird headaches and pains in my chest region every time I feel as though I've hurt my friends.