Bumbag.

Just because you didn't get it doesn't mean it wasn't funny.

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

Women have been having sex with machines for decades, I have sex with one robot/photocopier and I’m branded a pervert and banned from the library.

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

“Always leave them wanting more” is my excuse for be an extremely lazy lover.

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

Facebook, helping you stay in contact with people you hated at school since 2004.

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

Stick it up your bollocks.

[You Had One Job @YouHadOneJ0B]

Don’t text and walk.

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

My dad has always tampered with his balls, although to be fair he doesn’t actually play cricket.

[Hetal - She/her/hers @kulturalguide]

Love this Poster for the March for Lives on 16th street of Denver, Colorado @amshq #MontessoriNow

[Gina @ginamartinuk]

@thismorning Hey everyone! Thanks for you support for my campaign! You can find the petition here, and also a template to email your MP with, over on my profile! https://t.co/MHK55iguNd

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

A man has been convicted in a UK court of making a joke that was deemed "grossly offensive". If you don't believe in a person's right to say things that you might find "grossly offensive", then you don't believe in Freedom of Speech.

[Robot Wars @UKRobotWars]

Sad to confirm the BBC’s decision to de-activate our House Robots. A huge thank you to Dara & Angela, our brilliant judges Noel, Lucy & Sethu, all of the amazing teams and most of all...you for joining us on this amazing robot smashing adventure. #BringBackRobotWars #RobotWars

[You Had One Job @YouHadOneJ0B]

You had one job!

[NME @NME]

"It would have to cure an entire country of cancer" – @rickygervais on what it would take to get him on #BigBrother, and whether he watches #LoveIsland

Watch the full 30-minute interview 👉 https://t.co/JxhlqaKqTW

[CLEAR Drugs Policy Reform @CLEARdrugpolicy]

Husband of anti-cannabis UK #Drugs Minister grows #cannabis #breakthetaboo https://t.co/uRy7bZqtsj

[MrOzAtheist @MrOzAtheist]

Not a world view.
Sure atheism offers no justice and no hope. But 1: that doesn’t mean god is real. 2: It’s not obliged to. 3: It doesn’t mean atheists don’t value justice or hope, we just don’t need myth and superstition to enable us to do so. https://t.co/zD2lEHlyfK

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

Happy Mother’s Day old woman. (This a genuine photo of me and my mother) #MothersDay

[Bumbag. @boywinkles]

Dear twins, remember at least one of you was a mistake.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

As 'Beast from the east’ hits the UK, experts say they’re more concerned by October’s visit from the ‘Pest from the west’

[The Good Doctor 🔞 @Demented_Jokes]

If your kid gets attacked at school with a stick, what do you do?

1. Give him a big stick to use as defence
2. Give the teachers a big stick to control the kids
3. Take the sticks off the kids

Donald Trump is one of the most stupid people I have ever listened to.