brady

[Jeff Zhang 张佶润 @strangeharbors]

Another opportunity to tap the sign

[The Green Dragon Tavern @greendragonhq]

Lmao.

MAGA in a nutshell.

[trappy 🎀🍓 @c1nnamonbunny]

I honestly believe we’re going to reach a point where 18-22 year olds are no longer considered legal adults and will need their parents permission for everything. College will just be 13th to 17th grade

[the german gentleman aka grubauer's #1 fan @midaeros]

just give them the birth and death dates. Make them earn the meme by doing math

[. @MustBeCharm]

you should be able to feel this jump lol you are living above your means

[pika capital @pikacap]

“Your honor, my client simply forgot to read his equity grant for 30 years. We’ve all forgotten about a few billion here and there right?”

[Circe @vocalcry]

Met someone recently whose father worked in Guantanamo Bay and he said that the terrorist suspects who were really religious actually held up under water boarding really well once they figured out it wouldn’t kill them

[Antin @Antin_Illust]

Are Pope's tweets just "tweets" or are they official acts of the Magisterium?
Like if a job asks me to use ai, can I just tell them that I'm catholic, point to this and refuse?

[meghan mancain x @a_luffa]

conservatives: 👏 MAKE 👏 GUBMENT 👏 SMALLER 👏

also conservatives: the government should be able to force my 45 year old son to give me fealty and respect

[🌋 @hum_dunkin]

In addition, only a mayor can arrest a coroner. and only a sheriff can arrest a mayor. the perfect system

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

My daughter asked one simple question at the PTA meeting and watched the president's face tell her everything she needed to know.

Spring fundraiser raised $11,400. Big success, everybody's proud. PTA president presents the budget at the April meeting.

My daughter does accounting for a living. She's looking at the numbers.

Column says vendor costs: $3,200. My daughter knows the vendor—same company the school used last year. She'd helped coordinate it.

She raises her hand. "Can you break down the vendor costs? I thought they charged a flat percentage of sales."

President says there were additional fees for setup and materials.

"What additional fees? They're a percentage-only company. It's in their contract."

President shuffles papers. "There were some miscellaneous expenses."

"Like what specifically?"

Room gets quiet. President is shuffling the same papers repeatedly.

"I'd need to pull the receipts."

"You're presenting the budget. Don't you have the receipts with you?"

Other parents are looking at each other now.

My daughter asks for a line-item accounting of all expenses over $100. Very reasonable request.

President says she'll email it to everyone.

Three weeks pass. No email.

My daughter requests a formal audit through the school district's parent organization.

President resigns before the audit happens. Treasurer takes over, pulls the records.

$2,800 of the vendor fees were cash withdrawals with no receipts attached.

School district referred it to the district attorney's office.

My daughter never accused anyone of anything. Just asked for the receipts.

Numbers don't care about reputations.

[Aleph @woke8yearold]

Lethal injection isn’t really used because it is more humane. The guillotine is far more humane, as is a firing squad. It’s used because it doesn’t squick out observers. It’s rather pathetic

[Bicoloured-Python-Rock-Snake 🦬🪐🌲 @pythonrocksnake]

Everyone loves “nose-to-tail” eating and minimizing food waste right until you start doing it on the only scale that matters.

[𝓚𝓪𝓲 𝓐𝓴𝓪𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓴𝓲 @SkandiTV]

Literally the GabeN method of dealing with piracy, I'm in tears lmaooo

[Trung Phan @TrungTPhan]

never deleting this app

[haruspex🔮🍊 🇵🇸 @Bolshie_Boy]

Every part-time job I ever had I got by claiming fully open availability even on holidays, then a week or 2 after being hired adjusted my availability down to what I actually want, & booked off a full two weeks around Christmas. Just lie to "managers", they aren't real people.

[MAILER-DAEMON @hassanrahim]

so basically by identifying your paternal haplogroup they found out your great grandfather had high blood pressure so your entire bloodline is medically uninsurable, sorry! venmo sent ❤️

[ana🌟 @dancingwohtied]

remember when pit was the cheapest ticket because it was seen as less desirable to stand for the entirety of the concert + before… yeah me too.

[Patrick Daugherty @RotoPat]

This passage is dangerously close to "era defining" lol