brandon jensen

five inches taller than Bruno Mars

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

How did that typo make it past quality assurance

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

@MrSAAerobics At that point they probably want to carry the ball full term

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Who is Andrew Taint

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

1.5m people viewed your tweet, 27 liked it, 3 developed a deep hatred and quit their jobs to focus on making your life a living hell

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

@MaddyVae

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Lensa really did me dirty on this one

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Does he know how to use the app he bought

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Not sure who needs to hear this but call 911, you are having a heart attack

[Omaha Scanner @omaha_scanner]

Caller says a female is putting raviolis in his gas tank.

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Feeling underdressed

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

musicians are annoying

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

This Fourth of July we salute the fat drunk dads and their embarrassing wives that still cling to the dead dream that’s America and the corporate colonialism that has finally become the only thing that holds this corpse of a country together

Have an Independence Day from arbys

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

The personal growth section in two books

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Now let’s give those fetuses guns!

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Is there a Groupon for vasectomies?

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

At least we’re solving mass vapings

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

@robdelaney Blocked

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

@KimmyMonte

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

Pretty crazy that in reality TV, if a murder happens the crew can’t intervene. They have to let the humans exist in their natural habitat

[brandon jensen @brandograms]

@RubinReport “Our system allows choice…which dems hate.” Yeah dems hate choice in this argument. Way to go, nailed it.