brandonmhenry

be nice. be practical. be something.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

Twenty two thousand people fell for this shit.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@briantylercohen What else was in the bill?

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

going on vacation is more stressful than my regular life.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@XiiithJIE @PicturesFoIder no

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

How can it be that verizon business internet services are available at my address, but verizon personal internet services are not? @Verizon

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

My wife just asked, "who figured out that you have to drink water?"

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@Charlemagne0814 @JoeBiden when did he become president again? oh. right.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

Fuck, marry, kill: live, laugh, love. Go.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

Dear @MLB ,
The @NFL puts out ten minute highlights of games that are basically all the time the ball is live. Can we get baseball game summaries that are just the last pitch of every at-bat?

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

https://t.co/6p4VhojmwA

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

When people ask my dog, "What's your name?" I don't answer them. I let them think about what they've just done.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

Me: *loses 15 pounds*
My partner: https://t.co/7XX6HBETLH

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@fuckyouiquit Fuuuuuck you, Carol!

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@joeaintfunny "Attempted" because I'd be fine.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@joeaintfunny Send some of those my way.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@fuckyouiquit 900 dollars for two weeks of training. oof.

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

@smartereveryday

[brandonmhenry @brandonmhenry]

Infomercial actors are are just the inventor's friends and family, right?