lara

small bladder big heart

[lara @bratwurstbro]

permission to fart, your honor?
🤬OBJECTION!
😡OVERRULED!

🙄you may proceed.

[lara @bratwurstbro]

just ate 3000 calories of arkansas olive garden on a regular monday night people still workin. and you ask me if i want more parmesan cheese. these are size 12 pants. i’m inbred. i used a fake ID to get wine drunk here. ur singing happy birthday 2 your uncle im dying in real life

[lara @bratwurstbro]

Hanks for Nothing, Tom!: The Green Mile - Midwest Film Journal https://t.co/t1yAAUVYwu

[lara @bratwurstbro]

“these are not times of prosperity” i mutter to myself as i put the diet coke back on the shelf

[lara @bratwurstbro]

heed my warning: do NOT overstimulate me in the wal-mart today

[lara @bratwurstbro]

being a maximalist is all fun and games until it’s time to move 💔

[lara @bratwurstbro]

FREE TACO BELL HACK: if u hit a car in the taco bell drive thru and then start crying the employees will feel bad for u and not charge u for ur food

[lara @bratwurstbro]

hate that we’re a handshake culture… i’ve never met this person and you want my very first interaction with them to be holding hands?? that could have doo doo germs on them??? the covid elbow bump was stupid but maybe we could a respectful bow ??

[lara @bratwurstbro]

i love caffeine because it’s so fun to feel like everyone is mad at you and you might poop your pants

[𝔅𝔢𝔫𝔧𝔞𝔩𝔶𝔫𝔫 @bad_angel_666]

this was my barbie movie

[lara @bratwurstbro]

at the Weezer concert with the anxiety levels of somebody being hunted for sport

[lara @bratwurstbro]

my quality of life would literally improve 20% if i could have a container of non-perishable ranch carabinered to my pants at all times

[lara @bratwurstbro]

like i’m not super skinny or anything but considering how much i eat i should be bigger than i am and i literally think the answer is that my brain burns so many calories being batshit insane

[lara @bratwurstbro]

@hello__caitlin

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Company Celebrates Pride Month With Single Bottle Of Poppers Wordlessly Placed In Bathroom https://t.co/hqIKzTM7Z6

[lara @bratwurstbro]

this guy just told me that i look like i’m from New York and i’m gonna let this one go to my head bc deep down i know i give Nebraska vibes 😔

[lara @bratwurstbro]

who else is taking a crisis intervention class, playing a kickball game, and appearing in virtual court on this blessed #4/20 🌿

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man Delays Exit From Burning House To Avoid Small Talk With Neighbors https://t.co/yicx8rqdTV

[lara @bratwurstbro]

@bad_angel_666 NOOOOO