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Addicted to knowledge. Fueled by ADHD. Distracted by sex drive.

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Office a/c has two settings: breath of hell and dead body storage. #fwp

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ADHD meditation is like trying to make a cocktail while on a speeding go kart getting shot with paintballs. Which sounds awesome but isn't

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The Olympics are over. Now I need another worldwide event to be hopelessly out of touch with.

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@sillyfemaledust she was always my favourite. I wanted to steam up those glasses something fierce.

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@CallyMarieB You have over a thousand followers? That's enough for a cult. Or a very large knitting group.

[Seth Meyers @sethmeyers]

And yes, Canada, 2 super dodgy calls by ref. You're right to be upset.

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Can I rock a cravat, or do I need a van, some friends, a great dane and a mystery to solve?

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Mosquito landed on my crotch. What to do?

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I got my guitar callouses back. Now I can play Kumbayah around the campfire. Or Rage against the Machine. Either way.

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Apparently to qualify for the #Olympics team you need a TV ready heartbreaking story. Oh and some athletic talent of some kind.

[ottguy 🇨🇦 @ottguy]

CTV advertising Charlie Sheen’s new show. It debuts on CTV right after the Olympic closing ceremonies. Two giant flame outs in one night!

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Brits are gonna get gold in triathlon, riding on the left, confusing road signs and roundabouts...

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@sillyfemaledust Petey! That magnificent bastard!

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@sillyfemaledust did I owe him money or fuck his wife? Its usually a 50/50 chance.

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@iamltr who HAS to go to the gym? Except for people with self discipline and drive. Fuck those guys.

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@pipercatt fine. But don't pick apart my mastodon joke.

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@pipercatt average lifespan of a paleolithic man: 32 years. But most deaths due to mastodon accidents.

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Ok took a gander at who follows me and wow, some of you are going to regret that decision.

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I want a new job. What's the pay like for being a shepherd?

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@CallyMarieB damn you Fourth Day Adventists.