Brett Cotter

I don't believe in social networking.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Missed connection: we met at chuck e cheese by the skee ball machine; we talked about both being into butt stuff

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

"Is it Friday yet??"
-no idiot look at the calendar

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

The girls over on LinkedIn are so hot and super slutty, adios Facebook.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

I don't want to be at this slumber party please call my parents to come pick me up

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Hey people that wear tennis shoes with jeans...you keep doing what you're doing, good for you who cares what other people think

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Bro, do you even car pool to work with co workers to cut down gas use and pollution?

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

If you are ever being chased by a polar bear, throw a coke in the opposite direction..those guys go bonkers for that shit

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

It's not college anymore if it takes you more than 5 years

[ceej @ceejoyner]

I'm your favorite rapper's favorite rapper, provided your favorite rapper is Rap Kevin, my slow cousin.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Call me, beep me if you wanna reach me

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Meeting a girl that is actually funny is like meeting a unicorn-they don't exist.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Censoring yourself is fu**ing retarded

[Bryan Donaldson @TheNardvark]

Justin Bieber dresses like a divorced dad making a last-ditch effort to connect with his teenage son.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

"People are so much better at driving in the rain!" - no one

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

"Oh my god I love my life, love my friends, love the world!" *goes and cries in dimly lot room*

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Last night for dinner I made ground beef with salt and pepper and nothing else if anyone is looking for an upscale chef...

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

Yeah girl, you TOTALLY can pull off that hat backwards, just like I look good in your skirt.

[Brett Cotter @brettcotter]

"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best!" *goes and puts on super slutty dress with 10 in. Hooker heels*

[Damien Fahey @DamienFahey]

Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Is heaven missing an angel? Because it looks like your face got burned off or some shit entering Earth’s atmosphere.