bridget

when we were young.

[bridget @bridget_malone]

S/O to high school for perfecting my MLA abilities!! They came in handy so much in college since all I ever use is APA 🙃

[not brendan @crocodilethumbs]

i never told my mom this but one time i threw a party in high school and someone peed in the cat's litter box so when she got back there was a giant petrified human piss brick and she cried while taking the cat to the vet all while i watched and said nothing to avoid being caught

[bridget @bridget_malone]

I’ve never seen a bond like mine and Otis’. He stays by my side when I’m eating, sleeping, showering, and will come when called. My little nug 💙

[bridget @bridget_malone]

My cat, Otis, is currently living his best life. He’s hunting for mice in my apartment since they decided to move in while I was on vacation 🥳

[bridget @bridget_malone]

I too wake up and eat cookies as my first meal of the day. It’s amazing

[Collin @coolcat_collin]

My ex used to scream and go off on me for waking her up in the morning before I’d leave.

Today, I woke my girl up and she goes “I’m in love with you and I can’t wait to marry you. Do you think I could eat Christmas cookies for breakfast?”

Someone’s out there for you, trust me.

[Drewberz @buddy_ferrara]

Still my favorite video of the year
https://t.co/GNNkktghRI

[bridget @bridget_malone]

The house is just another step in the impeachment process. Please educate yourselves and understand that Trump is still president unless the SENATE decides otherwise.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[bridget @bridget_malone]

I want a dog and a plant

[bridget @bridget_malone]

Pick the emotion

[Dak (Retired) @RidiculousDak]

Dad: “Just put whatever mommy usually buys in your basket”

Daughter:

[bridget @bridget_malone]

Me, I am PR

[Lukas Battle @lukasbattle]

That unspoken group dynamic when all your friends are in an Uber on your way to the club and the people in the backseat are lit, dancing and scream talking and the person in the front seat is the group's PR person and talks to the driver and just keeps saying "I'm sorry for that"

[bridget @bridget_malone]

@_littledabbie But.....vine?

[TED Talks @TEDTalks]

@netflix Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[Audi USA @Audi]

@netflix 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds.

[bridget @bridget_malone]

@ColeHasFriends Sacramento Kings

[bridget @bridget_malone]

This is such a happy pic I had to share 😊

[bridget @bridget_malone]

I’m disappointed that no one has pointed out the fact that 10 years ago I was hiking in NEW BALANCES. This proves I’ve always been a dad.

[bridget @bridget_malone]

Beginning of the decade to the end of the decade

[bridget @bridget_malone]

CSU takes over $200k from me and then has the audacticy to send emails asking for donations twice a month 👎🏽 Stop @CSURams

[𝓞𝓼𝓬𝓪𝓻 𝓗.🧸 @510oscar510_]

This is how every girl reacts when you politely ask her if she’s done doing her makeup and hair