bm

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[bm @brimassari]

It's a beautiful day to not give a shit

[bm @brimassari]

i will never get down with a Monday

[bm @brimassari]

There's nothing quicker than a mom doing something relaxing

[bm @brimassari]

my whole life is basically on DND

[bm @brimassari]

Why do people always ask me if my glasses are real when I wear them? Do people actually wear glasses for fun?

[bm @brimassari]

hi to anyone who makes movie soundtracks for a living because you honestly have to be some kind of mastermind and i need to know you

[bm @brimassari]

I love when people drive really nice cars but then.... can't park them, can't clean them, can't keep them nice.

Give me all your money. I'll spend it quickly for you.

[bm @brimassari]

Dropping my son off from school never gets any easier

[bm @brimassari]

the best part about living alone is that I can open basically everything with my teeth and no one can say shit

[bm @brimassari]

PSA: pajama pants ARE NOT made for public settings. If i can see you wiener flinging through the wiener hole, you shouldn't be wearing them to the gym, the grocery store, or fucking anywhere

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in

[bm @brimassari]

Not me just crying outside of sheetz in my sons miniature Lego gloves in 12 degree weather trying to figure out how to put air in my tires because WHY THE FUCK ISN'T A MAN DOING THIS FOR ME

[bm @brimassari]

You never realize how smart you are until your kid asks you a deep question

[bm @brimassari]

WHY am i constantly holding doors open for men and not even receiving a thank you or any fucking acknowledgment.. yes, this is about a real door, and yes, this actually happens often

[Feelings ღ @anxietymsgs]

Imagine dating a girl who wants nothing from you but you?

[bm @brimassari]

there's nothing i love more than driving 10mph the whole way to work because we got an inch of snow last night and everyone forgot how to live

[bm @brimassari]

They will marry you, have children with you, and walk away from all responsibilities of that life with you when they decide they want to choose something else. Take care of yourself first and always. You can count on you.

[goma @soigomaa]

The hardest truth you'll face as a woman is realizing that a man can stay with you for years without ever truly choosing you.
He can enjoy your company,your body, your loyalty, and still never step into the role of making you his life partner.

[bm @brimassari]

We're not co-parenting pets in 2026. We can't be.

[Mads @europemaxxed]

Driving to my 9-5 job while drug dealers and 8 year old YouTubers are buying their third property

[bm @brimassari]

"You don't say please when you're kidding!"
My dad when asking for a "frothy asshole coffee" to my sister's husband and my mom tells him to say please

[bm @brimassari]

Shout out to any of the other moms who are just raging while wrapping presents because it's the only time we get to ourselves and Christmas music is just too jolly

https://t.co/6LxQ5U13El