Dating someone with avoidant attachment is not a challenge to overcome. It is a cycle that will slowly dismantle your self-worth. Because the closer you get, the more they pull back. And the more they pull back, the harder you chase. And the harder you chase, the more suffocated they claim to feel. And suddenly you are the problem. You are too needy. You are too intense. You want too much. When in reality you just wanted a person who could stay present without panicking.
That is the nightmare. Not the distance itself. But what the distance does to you over time. You start shrinking your needs to make them comfortable. You stop bringing up how you feel because you already know it will create tension. You celebrate the smallest crumbs of affection because you have been starved long enough to find them meaningful. You become a person who is grateful just to not be pushed away today.
And they are not doing this intentionally. That is what makes it so exhausting. They genuinely do not know how to show up consistently. Intimacy triggers them. Vulnerability shuts them down. The moment a relationship starts to feel real, something in them activates and retreats. So you are not fighting a person. You are fighting a wall that has been built long before you arrived.
But here is what nobody tells you, you cannot love that wall down. You cannot be patient enough, understanding enough, or available enough to fix an attachment wound that they have never once decided to address.
Dating an avoidant person is a nightmare because you will lose yourself trying to win someone who was never fully there to begin with.
@OndeFunky Si vanno con orgoglio avanti ad oltranza, ma sono giร da due anni che le scelte musicali non sono un granchรฉ... quest'anno dopo tanti anni ho deciso di non andarci โค๏ธ๐