Brittany Shepard

Formerly retired tweeter

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I just want Teddy Roosevelt back. #Debates2020

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

HOME GROWN DRUGS ONLY, MR. PRESIDENT #Debates2020

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

How do we think Jamba Juice feels that there’s people across the US playing SICKO MODE to McDonald’s employees?

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

Hi I am going through old tweets cause ?????? and I tweeted this vid in 2015 and I can't stop laughing I know I'm a bad Bostonian but I love Carey Price so god damn much https://t.co/4oQQMbTD50

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I want to be homeowner so I can buy plastic furniture for outside and not touch it for three years so it becomes literally caked with debris and I can have a reason to buy a power washer

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

@FedExHelp I know you guys are going through a lot, but why do the rules keeping changing? One package was delievered yesterday in my mailroom. Today one wasn't, and cust serv told me if they left it there's a fine for that. What gives?

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I really want to rewatch Game of Thrones but I really do not want to rewatch the end of Game of Thrones.

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

@Jshkang @tiktok_us RT

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

Concept: a @tiktok_us app that automatically scrolls through videos after one loop unless you audibly laugh or say “what the fuck” in which case it loops infinitely until you die

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

(By laws I mean guidelines n stuff)

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

(The reason is laziness)

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I’M SORTING TABS BY STANDARD TUNING FOR A REASON. STOP LYING TO ME, INTERNET. I CAN’T OPEN ONE MORE “STANDARD” TAB TO FIND THE AUTHOR TELLING ME TO RETUNE MY GUITAR. PLEASE FOLLOW THE LAWS THANKS.

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

My favorite part of the day is calling my mom with questions I can just google.

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

Adulthood is emptying the dishwasher, finding a dirty spoon, saying "if it doesn't get clean in one more cycle I'll hand wash it", emptying the dishwasher, finding the same dirty spoon, saying "I'll hand wash it next time" over and over until you die.

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

Last night I had a dream that my dog ran the Boston Marathon. I had twenty friends running, and she came in second out of my friends. This girl also eats poop and pees inside and my subconscious thinks she's more capable than 18 of you.

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I feel like un-retiring my twitter because I've had some A+ thoughts lately that are only appropriate for tweets. Get ready

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I just earned the 'Land of the Free (Level 33)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/KCAvOZYMfN

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I just earned the 'Heffenista (Level 2)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/pSxMHS39kI

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I just earned the 'Riding Steady (Level 5)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/SmQjrhDQuX

[Brittany Shepard @brit_shepard]

I just earned the 'Land of the Free (Level 32)' badge on @untappd! https://t.co/w85HIIqe6i