britta filter

[Oxtail Pricing Specialist @simsimmaaz]

Learning that Paprika is just dried and crushed red bell peppers was really shocking. Like I dunno why I thought there was a Paprika tree somewhere

[T 🌙 @tieyoo]

The spiders in my house watching me put up spider decorations after killing their brother

[Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti]

“what time did u go to bed last night??”

me: early, why??

[limp brittzkit @Brittymigs]

I need an upside down water bottle next to my bed like a hamster

[ab d. roger @aliabdi]

politicians should be required to wear a jacket that has all the corporations sponsoring them like nascar

[jarvis johnson @jarvis]

one thing about me. when i eat a bowl of cereal, im gonna need another bowl of cereal

[Jani Gem 🌶 @Jani__Gee]

Whenever I hear a person misuse a word in real life it takes every ounce of strength I have to not say “that’s a big word for Elmo” 😭

[jodie @jodieegrace]

the tinder swindler is so wild to me because if any man told me “my enemies are after me I need $25k” I would be like damn that’s crazy, good luck though

[troythedesigner 🦂 @troythedesigner]

idk if I got 47 days left in me

[🪩 @bambinasalina]

they don’t put pockets on women’s clothes because we’re not supposed to pay for anything

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

who will die first, you or grey's anatomy?

[Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse]

The Taco Bell drive thru at 1 am will have a $200k Mercedes S65 waiting right behind a ‘96 Cavalier that’s never had the oil changed followed by a moped ridden by three people. All craving the same thing: to Live Más. Truly the last great melting pot of class in this country.

[Sarah J. Hass @tacko_belle]

credit card chip machines are like:

- DO NOT remove your card
- DO NOT - hey look at me - DO NOT remove your card
- take out your card immediately or I’m burning this place to the ground

[Rachel @femaleredhead]

motion sickness is so embarrassing. like oh no the car is moving why don’t i throw up about it