Matt Brown

A totally awesome dude.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

Renaming my daughter's treehouse "Moderation" so I won't technically be lying to my probation officer about my drinking

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@jessehawken When Homer used the Fly transporter to get a beer from the fridge but accidentally drank cat ear medicine. That entire sequence almost killed me.

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

We cannot wait for our broken health care system to fix itself. It’s on us to fight so that access to health care is never seen as a luxury again. Let’s make Medicare for All a reality.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

Before he took over I was getting targeted ads from like, Toyota. Now it's for individual used Teslas in Virginia. A fuckin ouroborous of business genius

[Greg Edwards @GregtheGrouch]

@roywoodjr They should let the guys from NBA on TNT moderate the presidential debates this year.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@elizaskinner Thank you for saying this

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@jayson_smiley Needlephobia

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

Finally pants made by a company that understands me and my body

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

It's comforting to know that I'm probably not the only person who sees the word "Saucony" and immediately mentally rearranges it in to "Coy Anus"

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

“Fast Car” has a spare, haunting melody but on a subliminal level I think we are equally touched by the fact that you can rearrange the title’s letters to spell “Fart Sac.”

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

I have a serious case of the munchies!*

*Munchausen's syndrome by proxy

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

was the dinner at a children's museum

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Jim Carrey’s 62nd birthday dinner with many stars including Adam Sandler, Ben Schwartz, Craig Robinson and Bill Burr.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

Yearly reminder that today marked the beginning of "Sweet Week," the week between Christmas and New Years. Petition your elected officials to make it a national holiday, working this week is completely bogus.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@roywoodjr A Derrick Henry stiff-arm on one of these dudes would be like a Mortal Kombat fatality. You'd be able to see exposed spine.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@roywoodjr Derrick Henry and it's not even close

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@erin_go_bruh I think the point of the bras is to keep you from doing too much swinging

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@1980to2060 haha same when he starts roaring at the end of The City I always get nervous. Which I guess is the point.

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@1980to2060 hahahaha "won't even see this tweet" got me so good

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@heathercampbell We've never met and likely never will but I still wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping everything goes well. You're the absolute best!

[Matt Brown @brownforsheriff]

@1980to2060 It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize this.