Mariah Craig

[➖ @DeadboySzn]

People who think 30 mins is a far drive annoy the fuck outta me

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

why do baby clothes have pockets, who is going up to a baby and saying here hold this

[Co D. Ranks @CRankinit69]

I always take one headphone out when I’m leaving the gym because I get super anxious that one of the front desk people might say goodbye to me and if I accidentally ignore them because my music is too loud they’ll think I’m a giant tool bag and then they’ll secretly hate me 4ever

[YOU @YouNetflix]

ur in her dm’s, i have her phone we are not the same

[Jordan 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝘆 @jojomartian]

*opening gifts*
me: :D

my mom: do you love it ⍢⃝

my dad: HEY EVERYONE PUT YOUR WRAPPING PAPER IN THIS BAG. Hey, tell your, TELL UR SISTER TO PUT THE WRAPPING PAPER IN THIS BAG. CAN YOU GRAB THAT PIECE FOR ME. Here what IF I HAND YOU THE BAG. DONT JUST THROW IT OVER THERE, I—

[Co D. Ranks @CRankinit69]

buying a triple extra small fitted sheet and wrapping myself in it so it feels like someone is holding me

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

If I ever see old ass Yoda again I will literally punt him into a streetlight. Get lost you old piece of shit. Be an adorable baby or shut the fuck up.

[Lizzo's Tiny Bag @lizzostinybag]

Ya’ll hoes wanna know what’s inside me? 😏

[allison @StarksAllison]

it just hit me that 5 years ago i was in high school and they were asking "where do you see yourself in 5 years" and i want you all to know i was very wrong

[SZA @sza]

“I don’t needa be ur girlfriend jus tryna be ur person”

[CB @DabAndGo]

Have a kid it will be fun they said😅

[erin chack @ErinChack]

why use a weighted blanket when you can be crushed by the weight of every bad decision you’ve ever made all night long instead

[Sxmbv @Sxmbv_]

When you realize you’re going to be single for the holidays but you also realize you don’t have to buy an extra gift

[Marcella Arguello @marcellacomedy]

Me transferring bad bitch energy to another bad bitch who needs a recharge

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Probably the worst thing to mention when you are in a fight with your wife is the video game you have paused in the other room.