Bryan Lambe

I think I'm funny.

I do magic sometimes.

I'm a voice actor now.

Musicals are cool.

Butts are the best.

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Intimacy?

More like intima-see-dez-nutz!!!!

(Someday I will look in the mirror and tell that person "I love you" and mean it)

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Went on a date that didn't result in another, but this MFer got to Joann Fabrics before they closed so this was a win

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Someone get this TikTok to @PFTompkins

Check out Brian Jordan Alvarez's video! #TikTok https://t.co/XcjU2fjfi4

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Me: "Eh, people are allowed to hang out with straight people."

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Me: Fuck I'm bi but I just don't like men! I haven't found someone I'd go out for.

Also: This cruise is gonna see one messy bitch

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

My fortune cookie is only a cookie. The fortune is that I may or may not have diarrhea after I'm done

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Not Pride specific, but let's say that he's talking about a dude's butt
#PrideMonth

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

...didn't the Iron Sheik almost pull out his dick on Howard Stern?
#RIPIronSheik

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

MORE LIKE PENIS DE MILO!!!

Seriously, I will make punchlines for these but the demons keep whispering these phrases into my ear and they demand to be heard

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

In honor of Pride, here is a picture of some famous Disney characters covered in cum
#Pride2023 #loveislove

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Quote from last night's show,

Me: "I ONLY GET ON MY KNEES FOR PRIDE!!!"

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

MORE LIKE DICK-TATORSHIP!!!

No set up, just had penis on the brain.

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

In honor of Pride Month, I will be doing the bare minimum as I clack my fan and sip my cold brew

#HappyPrideMonth

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

FUN FACT: an animal trap going off two inches away from your face...pretty scary
#magicianshit

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Honestly, at this very moment, I wish I was a witch so I can just leave the city and make potions with a small army of cats and toads

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

I have so much cake, my cat got on my ass and made biscuits

#cuffingseason #sweetcakes #bryangotyams

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Eat ass

Do crimes

GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

I love myself enough to make a sandwich for lunch, but not enough to cut it in half

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

Hear me out.

But isn't it true that every horse is half centaur?

I will not be taking questions directly, please send them to my publicist

[Bryan Lambe @bryanlambejokes]

MORE LIKE MR. PEE-NUT!!!

...

Fuck, I think I had a set up for this.

...damn I can't remember.

Come back to me later, I'll figure it out