bruce

the only thing i’ll go straight for is the kill

[alisa @squirtstain]

can i come over and make stomach noises

[Sprouts🌱 @ Shop Drop Soon @coolartcorner]

a constant mood 🥲

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

three questions i ask my cat on a daily basis:

1. what are you doing
2. are you being weird
3. why are you wet

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

@purple_c0wgirl she loves you too (although she’d be too much of a scaredy-cat to admit it as she’s terrified of literally everything)

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

broke: talking to your pet in baby talk

woke: talking to your pet in an italian mob boss accent

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

@purple_c0wgirl you’re right, that was completely wrong of me. please, accept my sincerest apologies in addition to a pic of my lovely juniper

[rhaenyra targaryen's lawyer @Targ_Nation]

"your 20s will be the greatest years of your life"

me in my 20s:

[Thomas Sanders @ThomasSanders]

I do not need men. Only garlic bread.

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

a very happy pikmin 4 day to all who celebrate

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

@purple_c0wgirl oh my god yes

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

man i forgot how much i hate fireworks. need me one of them thunder blankets

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

got that dog in me (undiagnosed ibs)

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

spicy should be the default. if you want something not spicy you should have to order it For Babies instead of me having to order something spicy

[Cow Girl @purple_c0wgirl]

happy gay month if u r gay i love u <3

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

7+8 is 15
4+2 is 6
6+1 is 7
75 quick mafs (the quick mafs bit is important to the calculation)

[Cow Girl @purple_c0wgirl]

30+45

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

accidentally just whacked my cat in the noggin with the hard plastic bit of her feather toy

luckily she’s already orange

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

@MaddJeffries what i need is some Lactaid

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

“dinner is whatever you want it to be” i say to myself, shoveling 12 cheese sticks into my mouth

[bruce @bryce_sheane]

@purple_c0wgirl you got everything you need in a meal:

1. potatoes
2.