@Chiron5555@veryhoodish@fangiskhan@girl_still_cute Again, it's not necessarily about the substance of your claims, but the consequences that come from them. You can come and apologize, but will it be towards the backs of people who care for you?
There are a plethora of tweets about her philosophies on life/reality that would reflect well on her character as genuine and good. Considering her philosophies are aligned with what she has done for other movements (Occupy Wall Street, GME, etc.), SPX, and her IRL students, there would be no doubt that she has no malicious intent. Moderately harsh words can never constitute hidden plans. Drawing conclusions on this would be a major error on one's part. Occam's Razor, while somewhat problematic, is a great heuristic here. Perhaps a good inspection while you reflect on this situation. Cheers mate!
Met Chang in real life. Spent multiple days with him. Went to church with him. Speak to him often on a wide range of topics. Nothing but an incredible soul, and I refrain from using that term often. If I were you, I would genuinely listen to your close circle advising you to take some time off.
When you go down this kind of rabbit hole, the only thing that happens is you lose your friends and grip on reality. Right now, you have 2 outcomes to this:
1. You leave this alone right now, and people just see this as a little hiccup. You take some time off to heal, have a "Prodigal Son" moment, and come back better than ever.
2. You continue down this, dig deep into all of this, and burn every bridge to both the community and reality. Only after a massive crash-out do you finally take the time off that you need. This ultimately leads to catastrophe for both yourself and others.
I agree that you are going through a spiritual crisis right now. But what the crisis is and its solutions are the complete opposite of what you're expecting right now. And that's a tough pill to swallow. But it's better to take your spiritual medication now than deal with spiritual dialysis.
Hope you get better soon.