Bryson Keltner

KY native. World traveler. Writer. Photographer. International recruiter. Prev. at @wku, @HarlaxtonManor, @belmontu. @SemesteratSea alum.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

The new Apple update for photos is an attack on domestic soil.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

And he would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling jurors.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

The Moon? Affording to block the Sun? In this economy?

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Not to be dramatic, but Kentucky basketball these days makes me want to start watching golf.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

I just had gummy bears and leftover bdubs for lunch. I’m a monster and I must be stopped.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

The electric blanket is blanketing tonight.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

@MikeRahim If you don’t know, then you’re an Elf fam

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Some families are Grinch families. Some are It’s a Wonderful Life families. Some are Nightmare Before Christmas families. Some are Muppets Christmas Carol families. Their favorite determines how fun/boring/weird/annoying they are. I don’t make the rules.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Nowshegetsthehousegetsthekidsgetsthepridepicturemethickasthieveswithyourex-wife WHAT IS SHE A FORTUNE-TELLER

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Taylor Swift has loaned her New York apartment to Sophie Turner and her children while she and Joe Jonas sort out their custody arrangements, according to Page Six.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Three years later and I still instantly think y’all are pregnant when you post your positive Covid test on social media.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Brb going to watch Frozen & do the ALS Icebucket Challenge

[swiftie struggle tweets @swifferstruggle]

fasten your seatbelts, we’re back in 2014.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

“Do you want to get out of here? I’m feeling tacos.”

“I looooove tacos. Let’s do it.”

I just witnessed the start of a love I believe, folks.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Should I live-post about this experience? I’m going to live-post about this experience.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

I’m witnessing not one, but TWO awk 1st dates at a coffeeshop in CA, & I have literally stopped reading my book because the convos I’m hearing are more entertaining.
One bro just talked about his rabbit farm growing up. One girl just said she’s an upcoming soap-maker. I am DEAD.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Couple 2:

Woman: “My literal insta bio is ‘I’m only here for pictures of your kids and your cats.’”

OK I know you meant well, but that came out creepy.

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

The man in Couple 2 just tried to reach across the table & touch the woman’s hand & she picked hers up & fixed her hair before he could I AM DECEASED

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

Couple 2, although I didn’t hear context:

“Like why were you on LSD at a board meeting?”

Laughter

[Bryson Keltner @brysonkeltner]

OKAY
Couple 1: woman is wearing a LBD & heels with hardcore makeup. Man is in shorts & a graphic T. Clearly two different vibes.

Couple 2: man is in a polo with glasses on head. Painstakingly stereotypical Cali accent. Woman is in a NF coat despite it being 75 & sunny.