And so the pattern resumes. A new color, the same pattern. The question remains. How long can the pattern unfold? Will it be different, knowing what part I play? Or will it unfold as it did, as it is, as it will?
Crazy how you can miss someone so much, to want to see and talk to them, and also, to never see them at all. Conflicting feelings. The heart and the brain continue to argue.
I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to connect dots and foresee what is next. I don’t want to be able to see all angles, I don’t want to remember all I see. I want out, I want free… but if you take all that away, am I really me?
Pride. My greatest strength. It builds me, shapes my conversations, and empowers me. Pride my greatest sin. It is my ruin, destroys my relationships, and tears me down.