kai

tw ed | 23 | minors/shtwt dni

[kai @buildurdisaster]

updating my #edtwt intro since im probably gonna be more active on here again wooo ☀︎

⋆ 22 | she/her
⋆ hw: 70kg | cw: 54kg
⋆ ugw: 44kg
⋆ pro-recovery
⋆ interests: metalcore, disney, star wars— and im an art major !

⋆ basic dni + shtwt; 18+ pls !

♡ or rt for moots !!

[kai @buildurdisaster]

by the time i got my period back i only had 3 of them before i relapsed but my pms symptoms got so much fuckin worse ever since my relapse and for WHYYY

[kai @buildurdisaster]

being back in a honeymoon phase after fighting to get it back for months feels so good UGH and im so excited knowing that i understand my body better than last time and know how to prevent extreme hunger/binges/work around my menstrual cycle, i just feel so good

[kai @buildurdisaster]

god losing weight again feels so fuckign good i love waking up every day looking better than the day before

[kai @buildurdisaster]

my intake has been 700-1000 too like im still eating more than i was earlier this year but shes freaked

[kai @buildurdisaster]

lost my appetite from stress and relapsed almost 2 weeks ago and my mom is already overanalyzing how much and when im eating and getting on my case about it ugh

[kai @buildurdisaster]

found out that a guy friend who calls me “my tiny girl” whenever he sees me every few months and makes comments about how small i am (especially at my lw) definitely has a skinny fetish and idk how to feel about that now

[kai @buildurdisaster]

@core_summer omfg ive never pvrged spaghetti but i have thrown it up before and i dont think i ate spaghetti again for a few months afterwards 😭

[kai @buildurdisaster]

b/p’ed yesterday and got carrots stuck in my nose for a good hour and i dont think i can eat carrots for at least a week i am scarred

[kai @buildurdisaster]

as terrifying as it is i think i need to stop cal counting, the second i go over a certain amount i get way too emotionally distressed and that just leads to eating more and that puts way too much pressure on me and makes me feel way too restricted which again leads to overeating

[kai @buildurdisaster]

i also havent been able to do my 20min sauna baths in 2 weeks bc ive been traveling and got a new tattoo, so a portion of it could be water weight that will drop once i can start doing them again in a week omfg

[kai @buildurdisaster]

update i weighed myself after a month and i didn’t gain as much as i thought ?? in fact ive actually lost 5lbs in the past 3 weeks when my intake was ~1.2-1.6k cals up until a few days ago and ive barely been exercising ?? that just made me so hopeful ahhh

[kai @buildurdisaster]

im ready for a fresh start with a better understanding of myself and my body’s limits. i just have to keep in mind that this body is temporary, and look at the weight restoration as potential to get back on track

[kai @buildurdisaster]

i think ive made peace with my post-extreme hunger phase body. the eh finally slowed down about 2-3 weeks ago and the bloating has gone down, and i dont even know what i weigh right now, but i know its more than i weighed before relapsing earlier this year. at the end of the day,

[kai @buildurdisaster]

unhappy as i am with what i look like right now, i know its temporary and its what i needed to survive, and im healthy enough to do this right this time. yes i wish i had listened when everyone says to keep your intake above 400 bc it will only backfire in weight gain, but-

[kai @buildurdisaster]

like damn im 3 days into a relapse so thanks for the fuel i guess !

[kai @buildurdisaster]

my mom (who knows ive been having extreme hunger for 2 months) asked me to bring all of my dishes down at night and i told her i try not to go in the kitchen after dinner bc then i’ll just keep eating and she goes “well have some willpower” and now i never want to eat again ok

[kai @buildurdisaster]

not like i can be surprised with how much of a fatass ive been for the past month but god im actually devastated. i know its a good thing but losing my period made me feel so validated

[kai @buildurdisaster]

i got my fucking period back lol