Baneyney

be free but ; 🌙

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

one step at a time

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

I can still remember how I curled up in pain at this exact area. I was trying to sleep but hoped to never wake up coz of how tormenting it felt in every broken piece of my body. It was brutally painful, I felt it in every bone and vein of my humanity.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

@darKnight_0009 Iloveyou most 😽

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Appreciation post for the person I run to when I'm being haunted by nightmares. Those scary ones, the most painful ones. Just hearing his voice snaps me out that it was not real because the reality is I'm safe, loved, and well taken care of; and I'm forgiven.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

For the record; just because I haven't had hindsight that I have to precisely indicate the brand I intake on the counter until I noticed that they're having a hard time looking for it.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Did you know that the only comfort in this picture is the superseding vision of the clouds? How I got to be so lucky I was made to sit in here right. One foot sideward from my distance I guess will make it look different. When everybody's rushing, look at the clouds. Xoxo

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

@darKnight_0009 sending warm hugsss

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

The first step to loving yourself is accepting your forehead. xoxo

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Rainy day is calming but ☀️ is a loooot of excitement; heartheart

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

It's like I'm focused or uninterested. I act based on my own analysis and perception because I don't trust anyone's. My own self will tell me if I'll keep focusing on this matter or let go of my interest in it as a defense mechanism.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

I just want a balanced life. Balanced perception and reaction but it goes to 0 to 100. Wtf.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

I never see someone as useless. I also don't think I'm useless. My conscious self knows that they are worthy and I know I'm worthy as well BUT I don't know how to apply it in daily life altogether. The other one has to fall. I have to choose.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

The craziest thing about taking SSRI is less feeling sadness and also less feeling of joy. Basically becoming numb. How did I get here?

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Makes me feel like letting everyone go not because you don't like them close. It's just you want them to have a better life. I don't pity myself. I know where I'm at. I don't need anyone and I feel ashamed of making them understand what's going on.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

The rush to get better is crazy. Accompanied with shame so no matter how we wanted to talk about everything, we just can't cause we believe everyone runs their own world. Crying for help but won't ask for it when reality hits us 10x harder.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

When you rely on others, you'll be disappointed but you can't blame a person for not knowing every single detail that causes you trouble with the fact that people are trying and also struggling. They will never understand it and that's okay.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

The sad reality is, choosing peace is also a deviation of our genuine care to those who affect us unintentionally. It's just that those people will give you peace, or you yourself will give that to you and forget about the need to have them too close.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Even sleeping is no longer an escape. Everything disturbs me when I dream. Due to both internal and external factors. So I'm torn between literally choosing hand in hand the things that disrupt my peace and/or practice interaction to life.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

No one will understand how heavy the shoes are unless you wear and lift it yourself. In the midst of silence you'll realize that those chaos can't be mend overnight. I don't feel sad with myself anymore. I feel bad with the people that surround me.

[Baneyney @bvneyney]

Can't afford talk therapy; I guess I'll put it here.